Apr 29, 2013

Let Them Eat Cake

Chuck Asay, 4/26/13:
In the US today, you can live a life of ease entirely on the government dime -- there are no Clinton-imposed means-tests or benefit limits, and single men in bathrobes apparently benefit greatly from Temporary Assistance for Needy Families.

In other news, cigarette trees and streams of liquor abound just outside, on the Big Rock Candy Mountain.

Looks Like I Picked the Wrong Week to Quit Drinking

Dana Summers, 4/26/13:
Those air traffic controllers! They're so lazy and do so little work that when a few of them are forced to take a day off, the entire air travel infrastructure falls apart!

It's funny!

Say It, Don't Spray It

Michael Ramirez, 4/26/13:
If Obama is not on the air saying the word "terrorist" within miliseconds after an incident, then the terrorists have won.

Except when it's not terrorism, like the Texas explosion -- if Obama had called that terrorism, it would have shown that he's dangerously out of touch.

One: Cut a Hole in a Box

Bob Gorrell, 4/26/13:
Wait, wait -- hasn't Gorrell been demanding immediate all-out war with Syria * for at least a year now?

Is he now angry that Obama is doing the thing he insisted Obama had to do?

* and Iran, but ignore that for now

Closed the Armored Cockpit Door

Lisa Benson, 4/26/13:
Sure, the line for most right-wing commentators is that Obama and the Democrats caved hugely and immediately to Republican demands -- they had an issue with possible public leverage, but gave up immediately -- but that's not good enough for Benson; if Obama is doing anything other than Boehner's orders, he's doing wrong.

Quick! Look Over There!

Chuck Asay, 4/26/13:
I'm mostly posting it for the world-class labels arrayed here by Asay, but let's not forget those very, very sour grapes: Republicans thought immigration was a great issue for them just a few short months ago, before it turned out public opinion was solidly against their plans (like so many of their other policies this past fall).

Fly Me!

John R. Rose, 4/26/13:
Air travel has never been politicized, not even when Reagan broke the air traffic controller's union, or when tight federal regulation was ended by Carter, or during the thousand battles over numbers of landing slots that saw local and national politicians taking airline money to help out their "constituents."

Nope -- never political at all. Just like everything else in the USA.

Apr 26, 2013

Ecology, Shmecology

Eric Allie, 4/25/13:
"Because we all know that God gave the Earth to Man to exploit, and nothing Man ever does could damage God's works. That's why global warming is just as false as the round earth, the ozone hole, and deaths from pesticides."

A Machine Designed to Kill People, or a Horrible Doctor

Bob Gorrell, 4/25/13:
Seriously, which one?

Gorrell honestly can't figure out whether a horrifically bad doctor is capable of killing as many people as an automatic weapon. Perhaps he should work out how quickly each one can kill a single person, and extrapolate from there.

Apr 25, 2013

Morning, Ralph. Morning, Sam.

Lisa Benson, 4/24/13:
There is no such thing as a "lone" terrorist* -- every single attack is planned and organized by an evil shadowy world-wide cabal.

* "Terrorist," of course, only means "foreigner who uses a bomb." Nice, quiet white Americans with guns have never qualified.

Lawyers, Guns & Money

Terry Wise, 4/24/13:
The only possible reason for wanting to institute laws that restrict human behavior around technology -- to require licenses for cars, for example, or criminalizing driving that car while drunk, or adding armored doors to airplane cockpits -- is an animistic desire to punish that technological item.

Therefore all such laws are anti-liberty, and must be immediately eliminated.

Apr 24, 2013

If It's Not Perfect, It's No Good At All

Lisa Benson, 4/23/13:
Somebody promised an utterly unbreachable wall on the Mexican border, and we don't have that!

Oh, sure, immigration is so low that we might have a net outflow of people to Mexico, but as long as one single person is able to cross a border illegally, everything is horrible!

Happiness Is a Warm Gun

Gary Varvel, 4/23/13:
Logically, if it were possible to eliminate criminals by making things illegal, it would have happened by now.

Therefore, since no law can completely eliminate crime, it's a sham to try to have any laws at all.

Anarchy Now!

The Best and Cheapest Lawyer

A.F. Branco, 4/23/13:
Republicans must resist the siren song of compromise -- which has proven oh-so-seductive to them over the past five years -- and romp to victory by making sure no part of the US government works at all by November of 2014.

An ambitious goal, certainly, but these could be the folks to do it.

Apr 23, 2013

Deserve's Got Nothin' To Do With It

Daryl Cagle, 4/22/13:
Constitutional rights only apply if you belong to the right category of person -- right now, if you're Muslim, you don't have any, just like you didn't have any rights in 1850 if you were black.

It's fun to speculate which group will lose all of their rights next! Maybe you!

Boo! Spooky Brown People!

Bob Gorrell, 4/22/13:
Terrorist plots are entirely defined by the culture and religion of the perpetrators, not by their actual ideology, aims, actions, or manifestos -- which of course means that Christian terrorism has been predominant for a good century.

Kumbaya, Y'Know?

Terry Wise, 4/22/13:
Everyone knows that Muslims can't speak in public without blurting out "Kill all the Christians!" or "I bathe in your blood, infidel!"

So they try to keep quiet in the kind of folksy small-town diners that Wise frequents.

Apr 22, 2013

Let's You and Him Fight

Terry Wise, 4/21/13:
The guy from Kentucky claims that Bostonians are cheesed off that the rest of us aren't outraged enough about the marathon bombing.

Or perhaps we're all saddened rather than outraged -- Wise seems to think that the proper response to anything is to round up some "bad guys" and do nasty things to 'em.

(I could be misreading this cartoon, of course -- "Where's the" is in one place and "National Outrage" is somewhere else, and "National Outrage" certainly looks big and impressive in this cartoon, not something one would complain about. But, if so, what does he mean?)


Ed Gamble, 4/20/13:
No more Caucasian immigration! It's clear those shifty buggers can't be trusted.

More Latinos! When was the last time you saw a Mexican terror attack in the US?

When In Doubt, Combine Insinuations About Chicago and Dark-Skinned People

Mike Lester, 4/19/13:
So...is Lester saying

a) Obama only cares about the deaths of white suburban kids, not the inner-city kids who are the most common victims of gun violence?

b) that the US needs is a strong nationwide registry of guns, to stop guns bought in loosely-regulated (aka Republican) states flowing to states with tight regulations?

If not, what on earth is he saying -- that the families of all 30,000 gun deaths a year should be brought together if you ever gather any of them?

When Bombs Are Outlawed...

A.F. Branco, 4/19/13:
"...because it's not as if those terrorists had access to guns so that they could shoot and kill a policeman, right?"

Apr 19, 2013

Not Good for Children and Other Living Things

A.F. Branco, 4/18/13:
The gun bill that just failed in the Senate wouldn't do anything useful -- so clearly we need a stronger, more comprehensive bill to outlaw handguns and make a real national registry of guns, right?

Apr 18, 2013

The Running Man

Henry Payne, 4/17/13:
Marathoners are a cowardly, superstitious lot, who run away from danger the minute it happens.

(Or, if not, what is this cartoon saying?)

Sign O' the Times

Lisa Benson, 4/17/13:
Cops and EMS techs don't actually exist in the real world, only on signs? And bombs damage the image of those public servants? Is this cartoon trying to actually say anything? (Other than badly bobbling "a sad thing happened, and it is sad.")

Whenever I look at this cartoon, my brain hurts.

Apr 17, 2013

Shot With His Own Gun

Paul Fell, 4/16/13:
So the Second Amendment -- which allows Americans to carry projectile weapons of some variety, for some purposes (subject to a lot of arguing about the scope of both) -- actually ties the iconic representative of America up, so that someone else can shoot us all in the head.

Who, precisely, is the "someone else" in this scenario? North Korea? And how does the Second Amendment ties us up with relation to something else? Surely Fell means to give Uncle Sam a big gun that he's pointing at himself?

Apr 15, 2013

Insert Witty Pun on "Governor" Here

Randy Bish, 4/14/13:
If lefties say your budget is too right-wing and righties say it's too left-wing...then you must be a flesh-eating zombie!

Perhaps Bish has been watching too much AMC; be on the lookout for a Boehner-is-Don-Draper cartoon next week.

REALLY Big Pimpin'

Mike Lester, 4/13/13:
Oh, my! So much racism, so little time.

So Many Questions, So Little Thought

Michael Ramirez, 4/12/13:
First, note that the gun is labeled "gun control bill," not the cork. So the cork is something else in this metaphor -- perhaps the NRA's power in making that bill useless?

So is Ramirez complaining that outside forces have ruined what could have been a perfectly good bill, or is he demanding a full gun ban -- which would prevent "another Sandy Hook?"

Or is he just confused?

I Know You Are But What Am I?

Bob Gorrell, 4/12/13:
Anti-gun activists are calling for a total, immediate ban on all guns in the entire country, and are not asking for expanded background checks, restrictions on larger cartridge sizes and a reinstatement of the assault-weapon ban.

Really. And they'll be coming in their UN black helicopters to seize your guns and put you in the secret FEMA prison any day now!!!!!!!

Apr 12, 2013

Code Duello

Mike Lester, 4/11/13:
Governments are utterly powerless against criminals, who will commit exactly the same number and kind of crimes no matter what anyone else does.

This is why crime rates never change over time, or are different from region to region.

Apr 11, 2013

Greetings from the Sparticist League!

Ted Rall, 4/10/13:
Anyone less radical than Rall should just die as quickly as possible, and just hope their graves are left undisturbed.

Reverse Psychology Earth

Chuck Asay, 4/10/13:
Human beings are so contrary that every single one of them will immediately do the exact opposite of everything they're told to do.

This is absolutely true, as long as your definition of "human being" is "two-year old."

Apr 10, 2013

So She Kept Freedom From Half of Europe and Had to Be Torn Down?

A.F. Branco, 4/9/13:
You might have heard that the Soviet Union and its Warsaw Pact allies fell because of glasnost, or perestroika, or Gorbachev, or even Lech Walesa's Solidarity union. You might have thought that the people of those countries, in peacefully changing their governments, were really responsible.

Nope. It was the Prime Minister of an unrelated country, who lost her job before the USSR finally fell, that was entirely responsible.

Apr 8, 2013

Dig Those Crazy Kool-Aid Shorts!

Chip Bok, 4/6/13:
Revolvers, shotguns, and rifles are a figment of your imagination -- they simply don't exist!

Neither, of course, do police departments or the rule of law in general.

Hey, Brainiac!

Drew Sheneman, 4/5/13:
People who disagree with Sheneman think wrongly, and their brains need to be corrected.

(Also, they're just plain stupid!)

Note the Subtle "Limp Penis" Imagery With That Big Black Gun

A.F. Branco, 4/5/13:
It's true -- only 91% of Americans support more stringent background checks.

And we all know that a government can't possibly do anything unless at least 95% of the population supports it.

Suicide Is Painless

Chuck Asay, 4/5/13:
President Obama, the man who claims he has the power to assassinate American citizens in America with flying robots ON HIS SAY-SO, is insufficiently hawkish for Asay.

Only Two Things Are Infinite

Bob Englehart, 4/5/13:
"And when I say "feel it," I mean that we can detect its gravitational influence on all of the matter we can see, and thus make predictions of what dark matter must be and how it will influence matter in the future.

"Then, we test those predictions, and keep refining our predictions until they're as close to observed reality as we can get them -- no theory is ever 100% perfect, but it's always getting better as we get more data!

"And how are things in your line of work, Reverend? Changing any dogma to better fit the observed universe yet?"

Apr 5, 2013

Fantastic Voyage

Nate Beeler, 4/4/13:
The right side of the brain, in folk psychology, is believed to be the seat of emotions and creative thinking -- all of those hippie-style, nuts-and-berries, squishy liberal stuff that a technocrat like Obama wants nothing to do with.

Say what? Beeler was just failing to make a bland left-right joke without checking on what part of the brain does what? I can't believe any reputable editorial cartoonist would stoop to such a thing -- you must be mistaken.

No Daughter of Mine!

Joseph Rollins, 4/4/13:
It is horrible when children know that gay people exist. It might even lead to...race mixing!

If You Take Cranberries and Stew Them Like Applesauce They Taste Much More Like Prunes Than Rhubarb Does

Ross Gosse, 4/4/13:
Gosse apparently believes that you get closer to South Korea from North Korea by going east.

And we can't blame the North Carolina educational system for that; Gosse originally came from Wisconsin.

Apr 4, 2013

Heat-Seeking Moisture Missile of Love

Cal Grondhal, 4/3/13:
Gay marriage is exactly like a nuclear missile heading straight for the US, in that a nuclear weapon would kill millions and leave thousands of acres barren and desolated for hundreds of years, while gay marriage would make millions of people happy and mildly increase the economy.

What's His Apron Called?

Adam Zyglis, 4/3/13:
Yes, the wages of fast-food peons is paid for directly by your taxes!

So let's require all teens to work for free at Hardee's today!

Lifestyles of the Southern and Bad-Haired

Terry Wise, 4/3/13:
We all want to punish our children -- to hold them down and thrash them -- for every last slight infraction, because that's what our parents did to us, and it didn't hurt us none.

But, some days, we're just too darn tired, and the transgression is too small and too confusing to understand, so we can't even muster the energy to get the switch.

And that makes us sad.

(Also: this aparrently counts as a political cartoon.)

Apr 3, 2013

Can I Count On Your Support?

Seen on gocomics.com on 4/2:
Um, Gary? (Or maybe Mr. GoComics?) "Support" really isn't the word you mean here.

Death = Control of the House, Filibustering the Senate, & Running the Supreme Court

A. F. Branco, 4/2/13:
To repeat what we've said before: if only those damned liberal media didn't report on what Republican candidates actually said last year, those candidates would have had a much better chance of winning.

Damn you, liberal media!

Apr 2, 2013

Oh, No! A Government Program That Costs Money!

A.F. Branco, 4/1/13:
Martin Luther King was strongly against social-welfare programs, particularly those that benefit the poor and sick.

He also would have hated having a black President.

Anyone else think Branco has gotten King and Bull Connor confused again?

Apr 1, 2013

A Christian Nation

Ed Gamble, 3/31/13:
OK, so Gamble not only neglects his actual job to proselytize, badly, in favor of his hegemonic religion -- which is only what we expect of him -- but does it by reprinting his quick, lazy cartoon from last year?

Bravo, Gamble, bravo. That'll get people to switch to whatever particular brand of messianic Christianity you're vaguely promoting.

Time to Go Back to Sesame Street

Mike Lester, 3/30/13:
There is absolutely no difference between the numbers two and three!

And, knowing this, it explains a lot about Republican economic policies over the past decade.

Eliminate All Gambling Now!

Chuck Asay, 3/29/13:
Yes, the US government forces alcoholics to go into treatment and drags the obese away from fast-food establishments!

Asay comes from Colorado, where grass is now legal, right? I think that could explain a lot....