On the Horns of a Dilemma

Bill Day, 3/31/11:

Being stabbed with the four blunt tines of a gigantic silver elephant-head fork -- no prizes for guessing what that's supposed to represent -- is neither painful nor unpleasant, but purely funny for the one stabbed.

Or so Bill Day would have us believe.

At Half Mast

Scott Stantis, 3/30/11:

US home prices have not yet recovered all of the ground lost during the recession.

I wonder why?

Interview with The Donald

Jeff Koterba, 3/30/11:

Little-known fact: all other world leaders rule purely on the sufferance and approval of the US President.

We're the only country that counts, you know.

Screw You Guys, I'm Going Home

Joel Pett, 3/30/11:

This has the air of a cartoon that's responding to some very specific news item -- presumably, that Newt Gingrich stole a presidential seal from an inner-city school somewhere, one that's also the alma mater of some NBA star.

Perhaps it's a belated response to Gingrich's criticism of Obama filling out an NCAA bracket, two weeks ago?

The most recent Gingrich news, of course, is that he's worried that the US will become “a secular atheist country, potentially one dominated by radical Islamists.” As do we all! But that has little to do with basketball.

Frankly, Editorial Explanations is stumped. Any theories are welcome.

When The President Does It, That Means It's Not Illegal

Randy Bish, 3/30/11:

Nixon was a better President than Obama because you could trust what Nixon said.

(I just translate 'em, folks, I don't make these things up!)

Egg Suicide

Lisa Benson, 3/30/11:

One does not buy a home to live in, or to have more stability than paying rent -- one only buys a house for investment purposes, to cash in later.

This is why retired Americans are so happy when their taxes rise high based on the inflation-inflated values of their homes; it's a sign that they can sell out and move on.

That Small Government Thing Again

Chuck Asay, 3/30/11:

Divorce should be illegal.

The age of consent should be raised to around twenty-two (though not if you're married, I suppose).

Father-daughter incest is currently not illegal.

And gay people should be cursed and driven from the land.

That all clear, now?

Drop the Bomb

Dick Locher, 3/28/11:

They're called "smart" bombs because they can handle much more complicated sentences these days than "Mojo says hi" or "Hi there!"

But they unfortunately seem to have trouble with the portion of their job that involves blowing up when they reach the target.

One Apple a Day In Exchange For No Quizzes on Fridays -- Deal?

Jeff Stahler, 3/29/11:

Those teachers can sure dish it out -- but can they take it?

Defending (Someone's) Marriage

John Cole, 3/28/11:

Forget banning gay marriage, let's ban remarriage! If you got divorced once, no more wedding days for you!

(Good thing Liz Taylor didn't live to see this day.)

Bedside Manner

Randy Bish, 3/28/11:

Allowing twenty-somethings to stay on their parents' insurance and giving states the option to extend Medicaid has, inevitably, caused a symbolic representation of the US to die -- and so long ago that the spiders have already gotten to him.

Silly people! Don't you know that government actions always create opposite reactions? Highways make traffic jams, prohibition makes people drink more, and giving people health care kills them!

Get Some of That Tiger Blood, Man!

Bob Gorrell, 3/28/11:

Note the absence of Iraq and Afghanistan, the two war-torn places where the USA actually has soldiers on the ground, dying regularly and doing things generally outside a soldier's duties, like "peace-keeping." This is because those wars were started by a Republican, and thus they're justified ipso facto.

(Also note that Iran and North Korea are magically not problems any more, since they're out of the current news cycle.)

Only The Little People Pay Taxes

Signe Wilkinson, 3/28/11:

In case you didn't hear, GE made $14.2 billion in profits last year, and paid no US taxes -- in fact, it's claiming a $3.2 billion tax benefit. It takes some really fancy tax lawyers to do that -- and probably a Double Irish, or even a Dutch Sandwich, along the way.

Evil Businessmen Are ALWAYS Bald

Paul Fell, 3/28/11:

Regular Americans -- of the god-fearing, blue-collar variety that vote for Republicans most of the time -- are easily-gulled cretins, led around by their base appetites and wrapped around the well-manicured pinky fingers of these slick business types.

Making a Kessel Run

Strange Brew by John Deering, 3/28/11:

I know, I know...but on Tattooine, this is an editorial cartoon!

Time to Start Cursing the Darkness

Monte Wolverton, 3/28/11:

Coal is so much cheaper and safer, right? And no one ever dies from coal mining...and there's no radiation from coal, either!

Uncle Sam Has a Bigger Seat, Too

Jerry Holbert, 3/28/11:

Note that tax-payers are white men in their middle years: not women, not those unpleasant minorities, and certainly not corporations, who must be left unfettered to do whatever it is they do.

You're Too Late! You'll Never Find it Now!

R.J. Matson, 3/25/11:

Small businesses are powerless to raise prices, which is why staples have nosedived in price so clearly since the recession.

And they're forced at gunpoint to accept debit cards, too.

War Is Not Healthy For Presidents and Other Living Things

Nate Beeler, 3/27/11:

I saw Kinetic Military Action live back in '97 at the Palladium -- that was an awesome show.

And you certainly can't say that the current policy isn't a "change," can you?

Watt Is He Talking About?

Dick Locher, 3/26/11:

A volt is neither a measure of current nor of power, but of electric potential difference.

Locher, though, probably doesn't know that; he's just trying to imply that electric cars can't go very far. This is because he is very old and cranky.

If any Editorial Explanations readers have access to high-powered optical machinery, and can detect an actual joke in this cartoon, please illuminate the rest of us.

Large-Bore Ammo

Dick Locher, 3/25/11:

The Chinese are about to shoot us at someone. From the orientation of the gun -- on the Great Wall -- I assume it's Mongolia.

Just Be Happy It Doesn't Mention Global Warming

John R. Rose, 3/25/11:

Rose, based in Virginia, is gloating at the rest of us. Are we going to take that from him, I ask you?

Don't Conservatives LIKE Conquering the World?

Bob Gorrell, 3/25/11:

Black helicopters! One-world government! They're coming to take your guns!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's an impressive thing to see such a fully-functioning dogwhistle as a silent, single image file.

Drown It in the Bathtub

Lisa Benson, 3/25/11:

A US state with an economy large enough to be the seventh-biggest country in the world and population of thirty-seven million should be able to be governed by a few old white men in a smoky room, right? There's no need for all of these fancy "government programs" and "spending," is there?

Those Who Don't Remember the Past Are Free to Make Up Any Stories They Want

Steve Greenberg, 3/25/11:

Greenberg is ridiculously optimistic if he thinks any Republican legislators will read past the word "immigrant."