Seriously, What's With the Giant Heads?

Gary Varvel, 1/22/13:

Aborted zygotes -- most of whom are only a few weeks along, and look more like frogs than anything else -- magically become talking giant-head Peanuts characters in heaven, rather than having been born into situations where they would be definitely unwanted, possibly abused, and often worse.

And the unwanted, abused, worse thing is what Varvel would prefer.

I Have a Bland Cartoon

Henry Payne, 1/21/13:

Payne is in favor of black American leaders, as long as they have been dead at least forty years.

Either that, or his paper insisted that he do something topical today, and this is as generic as he could get.

Can We Fix It? Yes We Can!

Stephen Rustad, 1/21/13:

Obama is shamefully sitting on his wonderful war machine instead of sending it to all corners of the globe to fix every problem in the world -- which is what the world itself is begging for!

Hey, look, the neocons are back!

Are You Ready For Some Dead Girls!?

Matt Bors, 1/18/13:

Sometimes a cartoon just says exactly what needs to be said, and the only commentary necessary is:

This. Exactly this.

All About Me

Christopher Weyant, 1/18/13:

I don't think Weyant intended to do a cartoon implying that Obama is the self-centered man in the world, but he just did so.

Banging the Table

Mike Lester, 1/19/13:

Whenever anything goes wrong, anywhere in the world, it's inevitably the fault of the politician that the cartoonist hates the most.

Even if that politician has nothing at all to do with the situation.

Home on the Range

Jeff Danziger, 1/18/13:

Ha ha! Texans have no civilization or industry! They live on a barren plain and just ride horses all day! They have no cities or higher culture!

Whenever I think that conservative cartoonists have the most contempt for their opponents, I only need to look at a few Danziger cartoons to set me right again.

Let Them Eat Charter Schools

Lisa Benson, 1/18/13:

Recent studies showing that the Head Start program's effects only persist for students in those programs -- and only slightly over subsequent years, as they continue on in substandard schools -- means that we should get rid of the thing that helps kids in the first place.

Remember: if a government program doesn't do everything perfectly, it's better just to get rid of it entirely and let the free market take over!

Kill Kids and You Don't Have To Pay Your Bills?

Michael Ramirez, 1/18/13:

Obama is only pursuing a gun ban to have more future taxpayers to make America's economy healthy and growing, so we can pay all of our debts -- which is a horrible, horrible thing.

Also, bonus points to anyone who can reasonably explain how this theory can fit with the GOP idea that Obama and the Dems promote abortion on demand because they want to destroy the future.

Won't You Think of the CHILDREN?!

A. F. Branco, 1/18/13:

Passing tough rules to control gun violence -- particularly if done through executive orders -- will cause children to be violently attacked even more, because not even the GOP can control those NRA crazies, you know!

This is also perhaps the most cynical "using kids as a shield" usage I've ever seen, and that's saying something.

Everybody's Gotta Die Sometime, Red

Michael Ramirez, 1/17/13:

It's pointless to try to regulate anything unless you can stop all death forever, world without end.

So you might as well just let the companies paying the most money set the laws.

Only You Can...

Chuck Asay, 1/1713:

Yes, women of America: forty years of men like Chuck Asay not being able to control your bodies, no matter how very much he wanted to.

Hope you've enjoyed them, because he's not giving up until you give in. (Although many women have known men like that before, to their sorrow...which is not unrelated.)

Just Say No

Mike Lester, 1/17/12:

It's really frustrating how much security one Marxist Kenyan-born black guy can have -- so much that regular red-blooded Americans feel that they have no chance to kill him.

Oh, and the undertone of "shoot black guys, not cute white kids." Can't forget that.

Kit and Kaboodle

Gary McCoy, 1/16/13:

Every rape is the woman's fault: if she had only fought back harder, she could have stopped it.

Also, Planned Parenthood is evil, because they allow women to have sex without immediately having the babies God ordained.

Shot With His Own Gun

Michael Ramirez, 1/16/13:

Something that hasn't happened yet and which is only vaguely outlined is definitely unconstitutional!

And vastly more so than the thousands of other executive orders -- many of them so secret, we can't even know they exist! -- that presidents have issued for two generations!

The Stan Kelly Cartoon of the Week Award Goes To...

Bob Englehart, 1/16/13:

If only everything Englehart likes to do was mentioned in the Constitution, he'd never have to change at all!

I mean, millions of people dying of emphysema and lung cancer, sure, but smoking on airplanes again!

The Pursuit of Unanimity

A.F. Branco, 1/16/13:

Individuals do not get to choose which political parties they belong to -- media personalities will decide for them.

3 Things Make...Well, I Don't Know WHAT

Charlie Daniel, 1/16/13:

Oooh, I know this one -- $10,000 Pyramid, right?

Um... Things That Make No Sense?

Things That an Undertaker Might Say?

Words That Begin With "Para"?

Charlie, let me know if I get within a thousand miles of your point, OK?

Those First Amendement Remedies

A.F. Branco, 1/15/13:

To drastically reduce gun violence, all we have to do is force Hollywood to stop making violent movies, bringing us in line with other advanced countries...who watch the same movies we do, but have much more restrictive gun laws.

That's because Americans are uniquely gullible and easily led...or so Branco hopes.

Flat Stanley, USMC

Jerry Holbert, 1/14/13:

Gosh! We might be in danger of only spending 40% of the total world budget for the military, instead of 41%!

Horrors!

If Only Police Have Guns, Then, Then, Well SOMETHING Bad Will Happen!

Glenn McCoy, 1/14/13:

If we allow the guv'mint to take away our guns, how will we ever assassinate that {racial slur removed} in the White House?

Also, every individual is entirely responsible for their own safety, because the only good government is one that's already been drowned in the bathtub.

That'll Learn 'Em!

Terry Wise, 1/14/13:

If someone's giving you lip, just hit 'em until they shut up.

It's especially easy if you're bigger and stronger than they are -- double points if you're in a position of power, so they can't do anything about it.

Fatty Gets a Stylist

A.F. Branco, 1/10/13:

Global temperatures are not rising, because Al Gore (who is the sole source of all scientific data on that temperature increase) is fat!

Oh! And he founded a business that he sold at a profit! And that's totally evil for someone who cartoons for the Conservative Chronicle, since we all know conservatives hate business and profits.

So clearly he's wrong!

Bambi's Back -- and He's Pissed!

Mike Lester, 1/12/13:

The real reason we can't limit guns is because those "cute, harmless" hunted animals are really just lying in wait for us to loosen our guard -- and then they'll strike!

Only America's hard-working hunters stand between us and the Animal Apocalypse!!!!!!

That Old Slippery Slope Once Again

Chuck Asay, 1/11/13:

If you don't hound gays back into the closet right now, we'll have man-horse sex in the street next week!

Really! And those people -- never mind who, but Asay knows who they are -- are totally in favor of pedophilia!

Remember -- any sex other than missionary style with the single lifetime spouse given you by God is utterly evil!