I Know You Are But What Am I?

Bob Gorrell, 4/12/13:

Anti-gun activists are calling for a total, immediate ban on all guns in the entire country, and are not asking for expanded background checks, restrictions on larger cartridge sizes and a reinstatement of the assault-weapon ban.

Really. And they'll be coming in their UN black helicopters to seize your guns and put you in the secret FEMA prison any day now!!!!!!!

Code Duello

Mike Lester, 4/11/13:

Governments are utterly powerless against criminals, who will commit exactly the same number and kind of crimes no matter what anyone else does.

This is why crime rates never change over time, or are different from region to region.

Greetings from the Sparticist League!

Ted Rall, 4/10/13:

Anyone less radical than Rall should just die as quickly as possible, and just hope their graves are left undisturbed.

Reverse Psychology Earth

Chuck Asay, 4/10/13:

Human beings are so contrary that every single one of them will immediately do the exact opposite of everything they're told to do.

This is absolutely true, as long as your definition of "human being" is "two-year old."

So She Kept Freedom From Half of Europe and Had to Be Torn Down?

A.F. Branco, 4/9/13:

You might have heard that the Soviet Union and its Warsaw Pact allies fell because of glasnost, or perestroika, or Gorbachev, or even Lech Walesa's Solidarity union. You might have thought that the people of those countries, in peacefully changing their governments, were really responsible.

Nope. It was the Prime Minister of an unrelated country, who lost her job before the USSR finally fell, that was entirely responsible.

Dig Those Crazy Kool-Aid Shorts!

Chip Bok, 4/6/13:

Revolvers, shotguns, and rifles are a figment of your imagination -- they simply don't exist!

Neither, of course, do police departments or the rule of law in general.

Hey, Brainiac!

Drew Sheneman, 4/5/13:

People who disagree with Sheneman think wrongly, and their brains need to be corrected.

(Also, they're just plain stupid!)

Note the Subtle "Limp Penis" Imagery With That Big Black Gun

A.F. Branco, 4/5/13:

It's true -- only 91% of Americans support more stringent background checks.

And we all know that a government can't possibly do anything unless at least 95% of the population supports it.

Suicide Is Painless

Chuck Asay, 4/5/13:

President Obama, the man who claims he has the power to assassinate American citizens in America with flying robots ON HIS SAY-SO, is insufficiently hawkish for Asay.

Only Two Things Are Infinite

Bob Englehart, 4/5/13:

"And when I say "feel it," I mean that we can detect its gravitational influence on all of the matter we can see, and thus make predictions of what dark matter must be and how it will influence matter in the future.

"Then, we test those predictions, and keep refining our predictions until they're as close to observed reality as we can get them -- no theory is ever 100% perfect, but it's always getting better as we get more data!

"And how are things in your line of work, Reverend? Changing any dogma to better fit the observed universe yet?"

Fantastic Voyage

Nate Beeler, 4/4/13:

The right side of the brain, in folk psychology, is believed to be the seat of emotions and creative thinking -- all of those hippie-style, nuts-and-berries, squishy liberal stuff that a technocrat like Obama wants nothing to do with.

Say what? Beeler was just failing to make a bland left-right joke without checking on what part of the brain does what? I can't believe any reputable editorial cartoonist would stoop to such a thing -- you must be mistaken.

No Daughter of Mine!

Joseph Rollins, 4/4/13:

It is horrible when children know that gay people exist. It might even lead to...race mixing!

If You Take Cranberries and Stew Them Like Applesauce They Taste Much More Like Prunes Than Rhubarb Does

Ross Gosse, 4/4/13:

Gosse apparently believes that you get closer to South Korea from North Korea by going east.

And we can't blame the North Carolina educational system for that; Gosse originally came from Wisconsin.

Heat-Seeking Moisture Missile of Love

Cal Grondhal, 4/3/13:

Gay marriage is exactly like a nuclear missile heading straight for the US, in that a nuclear weapon would kill millions and leave thousands of acres barren and desolated for hundreds of years, while gay marriage would make millions of people happy and mildly increase the economy.

What's His Apron Called?

Adam Zyglis, 4/3/13:

Yes, the wages of fast-food peons is paid for directly by your taxes!

So let's require all teens to work for free at Hardee's today!

Lifestyles of the Southern and Bad-Haired

Terry Wise, 4/3/13:

We all want to punish our children -- to hold them down and thrash them -- for every last slight infraction, because that's what our parents did to us, and it didn't hurt us none.

But, some days, we're just too darn tired, and the transgression is too small and too confusing to understand, so we can't even muster the energy to get the switch.

And that makes us sad.

(Also: this aparrently counts as a political cartoon.)

Can I Count On Your Support?

Seen on gocomics.com on 4/2:

Um, Gary? (Or maybe Mr. GoComics?) "Support" really isn't the word you mean here.

Death = Control of the House, Filibustering the Senate, & Running the Supreme Court

A. F. Branco, 4/2/13:

To repeat what we've said before: if only those damned liberal media didn't report on what Republican candidates actually said last year, those candidates would have had a much better chance of winning.

Damn you, liberal media!

Oh, No! A Government Program That Costs Money!

A.F. Branco, 4/1/13:

Martin Luther King was strongly against social-welfare programs, particularly those that benefit the poor and sick.

He also would have hated having a black President.

Anyone else think Branco has gotten King and Bull Connor confused again?

A Christian Nation

Ed Gamble, 3/31/13:

OK, so Gamble not only neglects his actual job to proselytize, badly, in favor of his hegemonic religion -- which is only what we expect of him -- but does it by reprinting his quick, lazy cartoon from last year?

Bravo, Gamble, bravo. That'll get people to switch to whatever particular brand of messianic Christianity you're vaguely promoting.

Time to Go Back to Sesame Street

Mike Lester, 3/30/13:

There is absolutely no difference between the numbers two and three!

And, knowing this, it explains a lot about Republican economic policies over the past decade.

Eliminate All Gambling Now!

Chuck Asay, 3/29/13:

Yes, the US government forces alcoholics to go into treatment and drags the obese away from fast-food establishments!

Asay comes from Colorado, where grass is now legal, right? I think that could explain a lot....

Watershed Moment

Michael Ramirez, 3/29/13:

Absolutely! Obamacare will shift costs from big companies -- like the ones run by Ramirez's readers at Investor's Business Daily -- onto the government, making those companies more profitable than they even are now by forcing individuals to cover their own costs, libertarian-style.

And that's horrible!

Why Not a Poll Tax, Too?

John R. Rose, 3/29/13:

Sure, it's only common sense -- everyone who matters has a photo ID. The only people who don't are the ones too poor to own a car, maybe too young or too old, who live too far away from government offices -- things like that.

If those people had more gumption, they'd have done better with their lives, had more assets, and voted Republican, like honest people do.

Tradition!

Lisa Benson, 3/29/13:

This one is getting to be like "global warming," so I should have a quick pithy version ready to stamp on these:

The most traditional value is stopping other people from doing things you don't want them to do!

(Hm. Still needs work.)