Lifestyles of the Southern and Bad-Haired

Terry Wise, 4/3/13:

We all want to punish our children -- to hold them down and thrash them -- for every last slight infraction, because that's what our parents did to us, and it didn't hurt us none.

But, some days, we're just too darn tired, and the transgression is too small and too confusing to understand, so we can't even muster the energy to get the switch.

And that makes us sad.

(Also: this aparrently counts as a political cartoon.)

Can I Count On Your Support?

Seen on gocomics.com on 4/2:

Um, Gary? (Or maybe Mr. GoComics?) "Support" really isn't the word you mean here.

Death = Control of the House, Filibustering the Senate, & Running the Supreme Court

A. F. Branco, 4/2/13:

To repeat what we've said before: if only those damned liberal media didn't report on what Republican candidates actually said last year, those candidates would have had a much better chance of winning.

Damn you, liberal media!

Oh, No! A Government Program That Costs Money!

A.F. Branco, 4/1/13:

Martin Luther King was strongly against social-welfare programs, particularly those that benefit the poor and sick.

He also would have hated having a black President.

Anyone else think Branco has gotten King and Bull Connor confused again?

A Christian Nation

Ed Gamble, 3/31/13:

OK, so Gamble not only neglects his actual job to proselytize, badly, in favor of his hegemonic religion -- which is only what we expect of him -- but does it by reprinting his quick, lazy cartoon from last year?

Bravo, Gamble, bravo. That'll get people to switch to whatever particular brand of messianic Christianity you're vaguely promoting.

Time to Go Back to Sesame Street

Mike Lester, 3/30/13:

There is absolutely no difference between the numbers two and three!

And, knowing this, it explains a lot about Republican economic policies over the past decade.

Eliminate All Gambling Now!

Chuck Asay, 3/29/13:

Yes, the US government forces alcoholics to go into treatment and drags the obese away from fast-food establishments!

Asay comes from Colorado, where grass is now legal, right? I think that could explain a lot....

Watershed Moment

Michael Ramirez, 3/29/13:

Absolutely! Obamacare will shift costs from big companies -- like the ones run by Ramirez's readers at Investor's Business Daily -- onto the government, making those companies more profitable than they even are now by forcing individuals to cover their own costs, libertarian-style.

And that's horrible!

Why Not a Poll Tax, Too?

John R. Rose, 3/29/13:

Sure, it's only common sense -- everyone who matters has a photo ID. The only people who don't are the ones too poor to own a car, maybe too young or too old, who live too far away from government offices -- things like that.

If those people had more gumption, they'd have done better with their lives, had more assets, and voted Republican, like honest people do.

Tradition!

Lisa Benson, 3/29/13:

This one is getting to be like "global warming," so I should have a quick pithy version ready to stamp on these:

The most traditional value is stopping other people from doing things you don't want them to do!

(Hm. Still needs work.)

How Horrible It Would Be To Correlate List of Crazy People With Lists of Guns!

Chuck Asay, 3/28/13:

That's right -- the government can keep databases of people, of automobiles, of drugs, of all kinds of things -- but they've been specifically stopped from keeping track of machines designed to kill people.

Well, certain kinds of guns -- there's been tough federal controls on fully automatic weapons since the '30s -- which I'm sure Asay thinks is an unconscionable restraint on his liberty to fill the air around him with lead.

Over Macho Grande

Lisa Benson, 3/28/13:

OK, so in the tower marked "politics," someone -- is he the "U.S. Senate," or is that supposed to be the name of the airport? -- is playing solitaire while "DOT Cuts" plummets helplessly towards the Earth.

So...the Senate could have ended the sequester? (Or maybe just the parts of it that are particularly painful to rural, Republican-leaning districts?) Because they have budgetary authority, instead of the House? And DOT Cuts is a self-directed thing that just happened, but could have been saved through unspecified means?

Does any of that make sense?

Or is this just Benson throwing some random imagery down on paper and hoping that people realize that she's blaming Democrats for everything -- since that is, after all, her job?

Why Should My Values Be Limited to ME?

Bob Gorrell, 3/27/13:

The very most important "traditional family value" is, of course, keeping other people from doing things that you don't like.

Just ask the Puritans!

Lend Me a Hand

Jerry Holbert, 3/26/13:

Oh no! A government plan to cut all spending across budgets by exactly the same amount is operating exactly as it was planned, with cuts everywhere instead of a few things eliminated entirely!

It's horrible when something does what it was supposed to!

(Oh, and the aid to the Palestinians is approximately 6/10th of one percent...of the sequester total for this year, and a vastly tinier fraction of the whole federal budget. The US government probably spends more than that on toasters.)

Eat the Apple, Adam

Scott Stantis, 3/26/13:

Some people are just better at their jobs than others, for reasons that are probably too complicated and tied into "adequate pay" and "on-the-job training" and "sufficient autonomy and job security" to mention.

For example, some cartoonists would have managed to figure out a punchline for this one.

Fat, Drunk, and Stupid Is No Way to Go Through Life, Son

A.F. Branco, 3/25/13:

All media outlets that don't employ Branco are deceptive fountains of misinformation, and listening to them will allow the wily Chinese  to sneak up on your unprotected flank.

Oh, and they're coming for your precious bodily fluids, all the dominoes will fall, and Branco has in his hands the names of fifty-three confirmed Communists working in the State Department.

He's Dead -- Murdered! And Someone's Responsible!

Michael Ramirez, 3/24/13:

If only the media hadn't reported on things that Republicans actually said, they would have won the election in a landslide!

So it's all the media's fault!

Subtle Racial Stereotype Theatre Presents

Henry Payne, 3/22/13:

The actual leader of the larger, stronger and more important country in "US-Israel relations," after more than four years on the job, is a "student driver" because he doesn't do exactly what his junior partner wants him to do at all times. Remember, the apocalypse won't happen as evangelical Christians want it to unless Israel gets to set it up correctly.

Also note that there is no issue that Payne can't draw a car to illustrate.

The Perils of Super-Majority

Ed Gamble, 3/22/13:

Actually, in our current all-filibuster-all-the-time Senate, nothing at all can even hit the floor unless it has sixty guaranteed votes. And the assault weapons ban didn't have that.

No more complicated explanation is necessary; that's just how it is these days. Super-majority or nothing at all.

Playing the Decider

A.F. Branco, 3/22/13:

{high-pitched whine}
We haven't started any new wars in almost ten years! And when we pull the troops out of Afghanistan soon, we won't have any wars going on at all! Syria and Iran are just begging for it! Please, please, please start up some new wars now!
{/high-pitched whine}

Self-Awareness: Level Zero

Chuck Asay, 3/20/13:

Asay apparently doesn't realize that political donations are voluntary; no matter how much you're "targeted," you don't need to give Rove anything if you don't want to.

Of course, if political hacks scare you night and day with misleading editorial cartoons and news stories about death panels and gun confiscations and sinister coverups and plots of revolution and UN black helicopters -- a la Chuck Asay -- then maybe you will give that big donation that Rove is looking for.

Being Necessary to the Security of a Free State

Chuck Asay, 3/21/13:

"Arms" meaning, of course, exactly the same thing now as it did in 1791 -- the weaponry that a country uses to go to war: then, muskets, and now, advanced airplanes, tanks and nuclear submarines.

Therefore, any individual citizen that can maintain an F-16 is entitled to carry it.

Wait, are you saying Ted Cruz admits that there are military weapons that aren't covered under the Second Amendment's definition of "arms," and he's just arguing about where the line is?

Nevermind.

Thank You Sir, May I Have Another!

A.F. Branco, 3/19/13:

If the Republicans change any single thing in their current platform -- no matter if it's to, y'know, actually get people to vote for them -- they will have irrevocably changed themselves into Democrats.

Also, only Branco would not only associate "branding" with the cattle kind, but put it into such a squickish Bush-at-Skull-and-Bones image.

Too Dumb to Read the Sign

Terry Wise, 3/18/13:

Yes, Wise expects us to commiserate with small businessmen whose products now command double the prices they did in 2008.

Whatever happened to the creative destruction of capitalism? If these feebs can't make money in that kind of a rising market, I'm surprised they can stand outside in the rain without drowning.

Fractured Fairy Tale

Steve Breen, 3/17/13:

Yes! Exactly! Ha ha! Suck it, liberals!

We're going to take our big American cars that run on natural gas -- which, by the way, doesn't have prices set on a global market, so we can use our fossil fuels in this country and reap the full price benefits -- and save, save, save!

If you happen to have one of those very rare cars that runs on petroleum products, though, you're screwed.