No Fat Chicks!

Mike Lester, 10/30/13:

There's nothing worse than getting to know another human being and then discovering she's a real heifer! Man -- total boner fail!

Amirite?

Everybody's Learning How

John R. Rose, 10/30/13:

Oh, look! It's the rare Mid-90s Whitewater Joke in its native habitat -- a lazy editorial cartoon!

Shouldn't Rose be spending his time doing another dozen cartoons about how swell the local college is?

Well, His Hair IS Perfect

John Cole, 10/30/13:

Wouldn't a "were-elephant" be a man who turned into an elephant? Since this fella is supposed to be the GOP, wouldn't that mean he was already an elephant?

And what, exactly, is he turning into?

Weep No More, My Lady

Terry Wise, 10/29/13:

Oh no! People might be signing up for healthcare! And they might not precisely fit the rules!

We must get rid of those people at all costs!

Is He Man, or Monster?

Charlie Daniel, 10/29/13:

You make the call!

Is this...

A: a particularly odd take on the NSA spying scandal?

B: a really lame attempt to give a racist name a new excuse?

C: Both!

Is This a "Turd Blossom" Reference?

Mike Luckovich, 10/25/13:

Republicans are trying to destroy Democracy!

...with their poop!

(No, I mean, that's literally what this cartoon is saying. Destroy democracy with poop. Full stop.)

Don't Be a Stupid, Be a Smarty!

Taylor Jones, 10/27/13:

Those crazy Germans are all Nazis, anyway -- you don't need to care what they say!

And since the media can only focus on one aspect of a story, there's the whole "wiretapping on world leaders" thing wrapped up and disposed of.

Always Pack Your Own

A.F. Branco, 10/24/13:

Health care is so important that any thing that delays or stops Americans from getting it is an immediate, horrible problem.

Unless that's forty-some-odd votes against the parachute, of course.

Your Call Is Important To Us

Glenn McCoy, 10/23/13:

For-profit health providers, such as insurance companies, are well-known for amazing customer service and perfectly clear communications -- especially around important areas like signing up and the cost of benefits.

Ooh! Spooky Bizarre Collection of Mismatched Architectural Features!

Kevin Siers, 10/23/13:

Health care is creepy, man! We don't want anything to do with that!

Anarchy Now!

Tim Campbell, 10/18/13:

We came this close to achieving the anarchist utopia, mere hours from having our debt repudiated worldwide and our entire government destroyed, so that we could march forward into the glorious vision of being each responsible for our own police, fire protection, food safety, air quality, roads, military protection, parkland, trash disposal, education, and old-age income security.

But that damn zombie government had to spring back to life!

Poor Elephant, Leaving His Flag Out as a Doormat Like That

Chip Bok, 10/18/13:

The Democrats have done something -- what, exactly, Bok doesn't want to say -- to bring into disrepute the Gadsden flag, which was used during the Revolution.

Um, the scalawags? Boo, hiss? What are we protesting here?

The Ship of State

Jim Morin, 10/17/13:

The original Boston Tea Party boldly threw crates of tea off the nation that wouldn't exist for another twenty years!

And that means...um, what, exactly?

Does ANYONE Ever Look Good in a Branco Cartoon?

A.F. Branco, 10/17/13:

Because if there's anything Americans love more than losers, it's loudmouth guys who talk about all of the big things they're going to do before they quietly fold their hands and slink out the back door.

Americans usually love that, so it's hard to see why they're not celebrating this time.

The East Oshkosh Noble Savages, Anyone?

Mike Lester, 10/15/13:

"...and, as Scalia has taught us, words never change their meanings, so it's impossible that something has become more offensive over time."

"That's right, Bob! And that explains why millions of American men are called Dick, as they were in the 1950s!"

It's Getting Colder These Days, so Global Warming CAN'T Be True!

A.F. Branco, 10/15/13:

As long as you define "global warming" in the correct manner -- as in, "it's hotter every single day than any prior reference" -- this statement is absolutely true. And nearly 3% of climate scientists would agree with it!

Branco is a master of goalpost setting.

The "Ten Entitlement Programs or Fewer" Lane

Lisa Benson, 10/15/13:

Benson is just begging Obama to mint that trillion-dollar platinum coin, now, isn't she?

The only other alternative would be that she's forgotten that "cash" is actually created by the government.

Homophones Are Homo-Phun!

Tim Hartman, 10/10/13:

Nobody has a clue how the debt limit does, do they?

Because it actually doesn't add to our debt -- it allows the government to continue servicing the debt, which is the equivalent of a regular person paying the credit card bill.

Introducing the Icon Accessor 3000!

Ann Cleaves, 10/10/13:

Your guess is as good as mine, folks!

Maybe it's an oblique commentary on the very reactionary Tea Party wing of House Republicans? (I.e. -- they're as outdated as reel-to-reel tapes?) OK, that was a stretch.

How about a paen on Antiques Roadshow?

Anybody else got an idea?

Horrible Non-Specific "Waste"!

Randy Bish, 10/9/13:

Oh, no! Unlike every other large organization in the world -- which are all run so precisely that every penny balances at all times -- there is waste in the US federal government!

And it will never go away, even if we drown that government in a bathtub!

The Great American Booboise

David Horsey, 10/9/13:

The problem with American politics in a nutshell: Southerners are allowed to vote!

If only there were some kind of sensible test one could implement to weed out such people, the kind of test that only smart and cultured Angelinos like Horsey could pass.

It's That Time of Year Again....

Gary Varvel, 10/8/13:

Global warming means it's never cold anywhere ever!

Time to Get THE SNAKE!

Deb Milbrath, 10/8/13:

Congress is nothing better than a toilet, and Uncle Sam -- representing the "mainstream" government -- is actively trying to destroy those intrepid, freethinking Tea Partiers in the Toilet of Congress -- but, so far, they're too hardy to flush.

Disgusting and the opposite of what Milbrath intended -- quite impressive.

When Terrorism Metaphors Go Horribly Awry

David Fitzsimmons, 10/7/13:

Shutting down some vague percentage of the vast operations of a national government in order to try to stop an entirely different piece of that government from operating is just like the worst terrorist attack of our time.

Or is Fitzsimmons going to claim those are "cement walls," or something equally weaselly?

Pinned

Gary McCoy, 10/7/13:

The party responsible for the shutdown is not the one that had a secret conclave back in January to plan what, exactly, they'd ask for to avoid a shutdown, nor the one that has a huge extra-party apparatus agitating for a shutdown since the last election, nor the one that had eighty members of Congress sign a letter to their party leader essentially demanding that shutdown.

No, it's the other party, the one who just won't realize that the Republicans really are that crazy, and that they can keep this up as long as they want. It's always the fault of the guy who's capable of compromise, after all.