And Turn Your Hat the Right Way Around, You Little Heathen

Terry Wise, 9/5/12:

Sure, Tommy! First of all, you're only 8 now, and in second grade, so there will be at least one more recession before you even reach the workforce -- and that's assuming you don't go on to post-secondary education, because Paul Ryan's budget eliminated every program to make it affordable for you.

Also, if you want any hope at all of competing with eight-year-olds in other countries, you need to tell your parents right now to vote for politicians who actually will listen to scientists and experts on things like evolution and climate change and the age of the Earth, because otherwise the curriculum for your next ten years will be determined by religious nuts and anyone who realizes that starting a for-profit "charter school" is a great way to siphon money from local governments.

Oh, and if you're Catholic, avoid the priests, and if you're an orphan, avoid showering with Big Ten football coaches. 

Good lucky, Tommy! You'll need it.