Speaking of Really Bad Times for Lynching Metaphors

Michael Ramirez, 7/14/13:

Oh, how sad! The poor "White Hispanic" guy had to go through a simply awful trial just because he stalked and killed a teenager after being told not to by the police.

And he couldn't even get his gun back until the trial was over!

What a horrible, horrible fate! And all he did was shoot dead one black kid -- we all know that's perfectly legal in Florida!

Two Tablespoons of Foreign Aid and an Overflowing Cup of Condescension

Paul Fell, 7/12/13:

Golly! I guess those white Westerners should avoid adding "democracy" and "religion" to the "Arab World," shouldn't they? It's not as if those things ever existed there before, right?

We can just tell a whole region what to do, can't we? -- we're America!

Humps of a Dilemma

Michael Ramirez, 7/12/13:

The US President completely controls Egypt -- along with every other country in the whole damn world that doesn't want to see itself nuked to hell and gone.

America! Fuck Yeah!

Malthus Wants His Clock Back

Joel Pett, 7/12/13:

Environmental problems are entirely because of Certain People -- hint: those with skin tones darker than Pett's -- who keep having too many babies.

It certainly has nothing to do with the amount of energy and resources used in countries like the USA, oh no!

Be Careful -- That Gas Is Getting Really Expensive!

A.F. Branco, 7/12/13:

"Racial tension," of course, has nothing to do with laws that essentially let white guys stalk and kill black teenagers and get away with it -- it's entirely caused by the media.

'Cause black people wouldn't know about those things if they didn't see it on the TV, right?

Well, He DID Keep Us Out of War, I Guess

Darryl Barksdale, 7/12/13:

Oh no! The mid-term elections are going to be horrible for Woodrow Wilson, because of his scandals and Obamacare!

No, seriously, who is that supposed to be? Harry Reid, maybe -- if you squint a lot?

Elephantiasis

Nate Beeler, 7/12/13:

Gosh! Y'know what would be simpler and vastly easier to administrate? A single payer plan -- like Medicare or the vastly cheaper government-sponsored health-care plans every other modern democracy in the world has.

I wonder why we don't have one of those?

Igor Is Confused

A.F. Branco, 7/10/13:

If one kind of murder rate is high, then logically we cannot ever give any attention to any other kind of murder -- for example, since police officers are only killed rarely, we will now never care about any other police deaths.

Also, Branco seems to be advocating for some kind of larger solution to stop inner-city violence -- perhaps some strong nationwide laws to stop the kind of handguns that cause most of those deaths, perhaps?

The Only Cure for Puppet Masters: Go Topless All the Time

Darryl Barksdale, 7/11/13:

All left-wing protests are orchestrated by the Obama Justice Department; there is no opposition to Obama from the left, nor is there any independent anger with anything from the left that isn't controlled by that fiendish mastermind Eric Holder.

You know, if Barksdale can keep up his initial level of reality-ignoring and sheer lunacy, he just might be the replacement for Chuck Asay we were all hoping for.

Who Cares What Women Think About Women's Issues?

Jeff Darcy, 7/7/13:

Men do know women's health better than women do, and the sooner those dumb broads realize that and stop trying to make their own decisions, the better it will be for them.

Where does a dumb girl get off, trying to argue with clearly superior Texas men?

Obscure Slam of the Week

Paul Berge, 7/5/13:

For the 85%+ of you who haven't memorized the New Testament, I looked it up for you:

See what large letters I use as I write to you with my own hand!

(NIV)

I.e.: Christians are self-aggrandizing types primarily concerned with performing their own piety rather than actually doing good works or otherwise making the world better.

Supreme Executive Power Must Derive From a Mandate From the Masses, Not Some Farcial Aquatic Ceremony!

Terry Wise, 7/5/13:

Yes, Wise is seriously arguing that the fundamental law of our country is based entirely on the unexamined prejudices of a bunch of rich white men (mostly slave-owners) who died two hundred years ago.

More than that, he insists that's right.

If any right-wingers want to disavow Wise, the line forms right behind the counter, there.

A School Vending Machine After Bloomberg Gets To It?

Clay Bennett, 7/5/13:
Surely Bennett isn't actually complaining that the modern GOP isn't "pro-choice"? (Meaning relatively friendly to abortion rights.)

'Cause there's one thing that "choice" means in modern political parlance, and it's no secret the Republicans are agin' it.

Pride in WHAT?!

Ted Rall, 7/3/13:

Gay Men: it's all a trick! The more you do things traditionally associated with straight men, the more you will inexorably find yourself sexually attracted to women!

No, seriously, what is Rall's point here? That violence always leads to heterosexuality?

2000 Miles of Berlin Wall Wouldn't Satisfy Them

A.F. Branco, 7/1/13:

Spending on border security has increased over 800% in the last two decades, and there's now a net outflow of people to Mexico.

Unless "border security" is just code for "no one can enter the US without John Boehner's immediate personal approval," this is purely a red herring.

That New Cabinet Position, the Secretary of Marriage Planning

Darryl Barksdale, 7/1/13:

Yes, there's a secret White House plot to assign marriage ceremonies to particular venues -- very soon, you'll have to apply to the East Wing to have permission to get married, and then hope that you're not assigned to wed at the Fifth Church of Jesus, Auto Repairman out in Pigeon Forge.

Seriously, can no one read the text of the First Amendment anymore?

(I also note that, as always, when one door closes, another opens. Just as Chuck Asay retires, Barksdale appears to continue the grand tradition of missing the point and finding commies under every washtub.)

If You Chose Not to Decide, You Still Have Made a Choice

Terry Wise, 7/1/13:

You have no choice! The Supreme Court has spoken! All Americans will be forced to be gay-married to spouses scientifically chosen by Saul Alinsky and his cohorts!

Once again, a right-winger is deeply confused about how other people's marriages will affect him.

Why SHOULDN'T Talking, Sentient Rams Get Married?

Chip Bok, 6/28/13:

Church hierarchies can nullify the decisions of political leaders, if those decisions are not in line with the established religious dogma...

...in Iran.

You Won't Have Asay to Kick Around Anymore

Chuck Asay, 6/28/13:

Well, there goes a dependable source of fodder for this blog.

Asay is the spiritual father of Editorial Explanations; I was confused by several of his cartoons back on my regular blog, Antick Musings, and that led, more or less, to this magnificent edifice around us today. And so I have to thank him for his service, and for his unique viewpoint, which made writing here so much easier so many times. 

Or Is He Just Calling For Anarchy?

Bob Gorrell, 6/26/13:

I'm speechless. Is Gorrell actually complaining that a Republican-dominated Supreme Court just allowed Republican-dominated southern states a giant loophole to ram through measures to keep blacks from voting?

Because that's true, but usually Gorrell is cheerleading for efforts like that.

No Disintegrations!

Phil Hands, 6/25/13:

I have no idea what this cartoon is about, though I don't doubt it is a terribly serious issue for Wisconsinians. (Wisconsiners? Wisconsinites? Wisconsini?)

But I would be in favor of allowing bounty hunters more latitude to operate if and only if they dress up as their favorite Star Wars characters at all time.

Archer Daniels Midland Demands Their Handout On Time!

Lisa Benson, 6/25/13:

How dare Congress sully a bill giving lots of money to rich agribusinesses by including aid to poor, hungry people, the same way they have for several decades?

More Butter!

Clay Bennett, 6/24/13:

Paula Deen personally killed bigotry and served it up as a meal?

I really don't think that's what Bennett meant to say, but it's what he did say.

How Will We Live Without Quantitative Easing?

Dan Wasserman, 6/24/13:

The head of the Federal Reserve Board tentatively saying that, considering that we've been in a mild recovery for several years, and contingent on economic indicators continuing to get better, then he's going to finally make big banks pay a tiny pittance for the money they get from the government instead of continuing to give it to them for free...well, that's like yelling fire in a crowded theater, isn't it?

TL; DR: bankers are worried that this particular free ride might be over, and are capturing profits to add to their already bulging pockets. Cry me a river.

Name a 66-Year Old White Southerner You're SURE Has Never Used That Word -- I Dare You

Jimmy Margulies, 6/24/13:

The KKK was not, as we may have heard, a terrorist organization that killed hundreds and ruled communities by fear for decades before their power was finally broken.

No, they're just white people who used "the N-word" once or twice, which is exactly as bad.