Dec 31, 2012

Hell Is Just a Frame of Mind

Pat Oliphant, 12/28/12:
One of our nation's top democratically-elected leaders is an evil Machiavellian schemer in direct communication with the Lord of Lies to destroy our entire way of life.

Only this time it's Mitch McConnell!

Every Which Way But Guns

Michael Ramirez, 12/27/12:
All of those "roots" are, of course, entirely absent in socialist Europe -- where mass shootings are vastly rarer.

Or maybe it could be the ease of access to high-powered firearms? Naah, couldn't be that.

Open Season on Sensible Reactions

Lisa Benson, 12/28/12:
Yes, strong restrictions on (at the outside extreme of current proposals) assault rifles, handguns and sales at gun shows will utterly devastate this hunter who already owns a lever-action rifle.

How, I couldn't tell you. But Benson is sure that not being able to quickly buy a Bushmaster from Smilin' Joe at the Petaluma Gun Show will take away his essential 2nd Amendment freedom.

Actually, It's the Kinetic Energy That's The Real Killer

Ross Gosse, 12/28/12:
If we define anyone who kills a bunch of people as "crazy," then -- hey, presto! -- we can define mass murders as a mental health problem, and complain that "the authorities" just aren't doing enough to stop "crazy people."

If only we could infallibly predict who would become a "crazy person"ahead of time, we could give guns to everyone else in the country!

God Will Know His Own

Rob Smith, Jr., 12/28/12:
It's true -- in all of those countries that have violent video games but strong gun restrictions (i.e., pretty much the entire rest of the civilized world), there are mass murders just as violent as in the US, only using other methods.

Oh, wait -- it's the opposite of that. Why do cartoonists insist on declaring things that can easily be proved wrong?

And THOSE Are the Guns They Want to Have, Huh?

Chuck Asay, 12/28/12:
Those in favor of unlimited gun rights in the US see themselves as plucky musket-armed forces, rebelling against their legitimate government over being forced to pay taxes to cover the recent decade-long war to protect their lands, lives, and businesses from insurgents near their borders using guerilla tactics.

And we're supposed to agree with the people who compare Congress to King George III, and are too dim to realize the parallels between the French & Indian Wars and the Iraqi & Afghani Wars.

Give Guns to Those Evil Unionized Teachers Now!

Terry Wise, 12/27/12:
Clearly, our current policy of "no guns in schools" is not working, since there have been shootings in schools, so we must obviously change to a policy of "as many guns as possible in schools."

One can also extend this logic to the war on drugs, the war on terrorism, the war on poverty, and any other not-utterly-eradicated societal ills one cares to think of -- instead of trying to get rid of something, let's create as much of it as possible!

When in Danger Or in Doubt

A.F. Branco, 12/27/12:
Unlike conservatives, who have nuanced, specific policy prescriptions to major events -- like the massacre of 20 six-year-olds by a nut with an assault rifle -- liberals always default to trying to destroy our great nation's well-regulated militias.

When Was He Demoted To One-Star?

Mike Peters, 12/28/12:
Traditionally, just-died famous people are depicted going to the Christian afterlife that they deserved -- people the cartoonists liked, particularly entertainers, are shown at St. Peter's podium, and odious political leaders are cast into the flames.

Working within that idiom, Peters seems to be implying that Schwartzkopf is evil -- or, alternatively, that he's exactly as good as Jesus, since he seems to be harrowing Hell immediately after his death.

Cruel or blasphemous? You decide!

Dec 27, 2012

Love Your Neighbor As Yourself

Jeff Danziger, 12/26/12:
People Danziger doesn't like are stupid and ignorant, and also religious!

Remember: people unlike us are evil, kids!

Dec 26, 2012

O Little Town of...Huh?

Jeff Darcy, 12/25/12:
Not to be blasphemous, but is Darcy really saying that God must really like the sites of US mass killings, since He allows so many of them? (Along the line of Darwin's postulate on beetles?)

If not, what does this mean? That God pays more attention after something bad happened? Or just that people are more pious after a tragedy?

Booga Booga Booga! IRS Agents!

Flying McCoys, 12/25/12:
Ha! As any fool knows, gift tax is payable by the giver, not by the recipient. Also, gift tax only currently applies (again, to the giver) for gifts of over $13,000 for a single recipient.

The McCoys should really ask all of their billionaire buddies (who are likely gifting out to the tax limit at the end of this year, in preparation for the expected rise in rate for 2013) about how this stuff actually works.

Hegemonic Religion Round-Up: Infant Jesus Edition

The following cartoonists would like it to be known that their most central religious beliefs and concerns are precisely as shallow and bland as the average in their particular paper's circulation areas:

Randy Bish, 12/25/12:
Gary Varvel, 12/25/12 -- though he apparently worships an orb, and carefully avoids drawing any contemporary political parallels with "Prince of Peace":
Tim Hartman, 12/24/12 -- channeling a very clingy mother, or assuming we can all fondle the Baby Jesus through some hitherto unknown version of transubstantiation:
Rick McKee, 12/21/12:
Bill Day, 12/21/12, who also displays a shaky understanding of where babies actually come from:
And, finally, this odd little number from Berlin's Rainer Hatchfield, which, yes, does feature both Joseph copping a feel and farm animals devouring the newborn JC, 12/24/12:

Drink and Be Merry

A.F. Branco, 12/25/12:
Gun bans are so widespread and common in the US that Branco and his compatriots can't even keep track of them -- making our nation the place where guns are the most regulated and controlled in the western world.
Also note that Branco doesn't know which direction an ampersand goes.

And that "Lefty's Bar & Grille" sells primarily those old Heritage Foundation brews, the individual mandate and "Cap 'n' Trade."

Up Yours, Darwin!

Chan Lowe, 12/25/12:
Magic -- as codified in the hegemonic religion in your particular area -- is superior and preferable to science based on painstaking human intelligence and observation.

Dec 24, 2012

The Paranoid Style

Gary McCoy, 12/21/12:
The NRA is explicitly planning to overthrow the lawful government of the USA, and we should be in favor of this, because guns are fun!

I Thought Cartoonists Agreed That OBAMA Was Santa?

Eric Allie, 12/20/12:
The GOP is generously willing to accept a tiny piece of the big sequestration that they voted for a few years ago, and will happen anyway, if only Obama will give up even more than he did in that Procrustean bargain back in 2010.

Also, "spending reform" here means "big cuts to Grandma's Social Security" -- which of course we're all in favor of, right?

No Racial Overtones HERE, Oh No!

Henry Payne, 12/22/12:
It would be much better if the President had sole control of the federal budget and was able to set revenues and expenditures himself, so he could do all of the all hard work, instead of giving it to the tired, overworked (female?!) Congress.

Payne, be careful what you wish for....

The Horrible Spectre of the Clinton Economy Returned

Gary Varvel, 12/21/12:
The reaction of successful businessmen to an increase in costs somewhere in their operation -- rising gas prices, for example, or a general commodity price increase driven by widespread drought -- is to shut down large portions of that business, thus radically decreasing their income at the same time their costs rise.

This is why successful businessmen inevitably go bankrupt the minute anything bad happens, since they're complete idiots.

Only CHINESE Restaurants Are Supposed to Be Open on Xmas!

Tim Jackson, 12/21/12:
Businesses should be forced to follow the most restrictive rules of the local hegemonic religion.

The Power To Tax Is The Power To Destroy

Lisa Benson, 12/22/12:
A uncontroversially constitutional, entirely plausible way to at least get the most active gun owners to pay for the externalities associated with widespread gun ownership -- and to, with luck, actually reduce some of those externalities -- that matches many conservative proposals in other policy areas is a radical, bizarre idea because it makes them pay for the destruction they're causing.

Good Guys With Guns

Terry Wise, 12/23/12:
Wise lives in a hellish wasteland ruled by warlords, where the only law or control is provided by Master Blaster's hired guns, and where shit is energy.

Also, we need guns to protect us from those people who buy expensive sneakers, wink wink nudge nudge.

Dec 21, 2012

The Bounce Has Gone From His Bungee

Mike Lester, 12/20/12:
Not allowing ordinary Americans to have high-powered handguns and military-style carbines would leave us all cold in the winter.

Wait, what?

Anarchy Now?

Chuck Asay, 12/20/12:
As long as the federal government interferes with the operations of even one American company, red-blooded Americans will continue to buy massive numbers of military-style weapons and keep slaughtering their fellow citizens, just to show how patriotic they are.

Um, what?

Waiting for the Flop

Ed Gamble, 12/20/12:
Agreeing to allow slightly higher taxes on a tiny fraction of incredibly rich Americans -- the same people who have benefited hugely from the last two decades -- is literally everything Boehner can offer as a compromise; he can't even conceive of compromising any further than that.

(If Boehner were sneakier and more of a gambling man, he'd double down on Republican end-the-deficit-now rhetoric and call for all of the Clinton rates to return.)

Nostalgie De La Boue

Terry Wise, 12/20/12:
"You see, Bobby, people like your grandma used to set noxious plants on fire and breathe in the smoke -- some of us dozens of them a day! And we'd have kept doing it, too, if it weren't for those meddling liberals and their whining about a little cancer."

Dec 20, 2012

And the Movie's From 1983

Deb Milbrath, 12/19/12:
A Christmas Story is set during the Depression, just like author Jean Shepherd's own childhood.

Remember: not everyone in the world is a Baby Boomer.

Warning Signs

Ed Hall, 12/19/12:
Sure, 99% of loners and gun owners have never committed a crime -- yet!

But that's no reason not to lock them up, just to be sure!

Zero tolerance for nerds!

Sihouette of Jesus Theater Presents

Tim Jackson, 12/19/12:
The key to keeping our kids safe? Gaudy holiday decorations!

Violent Shooters

A.F. Branco, 12/19/12:
There were never any gun murders, and certainly no mass killings, before modern video games.

(Oddly enough, the truth is almost exactly the opposite, though I haven't seen anyone claim a causal relationship.)

Dec 19, 2012

Angel Trumpets and Devil Trombones

Mike Lester, 12/18/12:
An impressive triple play!

1) Gun laws only remove the ability of innocents to take out their attackers in a withering crossfire.

2) It's all really the fault of kinds of entertainment that didn't exist when the cartoonist was a boy.

3) Those damn kids with their neck tattoos and their low-hanging jeans and their long hair and their ultra-violence!

Connecticut's Own Shrugs His Shoulders

Bob Englehart, 12/18/12:
"...because the Supreme Court has moved so far to the right that we can't even dream of re-implementing the assault weapon ban we had only eight years ago."

Oh, and a hundred million rapid-fire weapons in the hands of random Americans is totally a "well regulated Militia."

Not a GOOD Sam, Really

Ed Gamble, 12/18/12:
If only those liberal heathens hadn't driven Jehovah out of our schools -- allowing in Jews and Hindus and even worse heretics -- then the Newtown shooter would have been smitten down as he approached that school.

Dec 18, 2012

Cause and Effect

Alan Moir, 12/17/12:
Moir cartoons from Australia, but apparently is too dim to realize that his nation gets exactly the same movies and video games as the US does, but -- since a major legal overhaul in 1996 -- does not have the same number of guns.

And, strangely, that has made the difference in gun deaths in Australia over the past decade and a half.

You KNOW Why

Michael Ramirez, 12/17/12:
Because some of the people you regularly shill for make a lot of money from selling expensive weaponry to Americans.

And others of the people you shill for make plenty of coin from whipping up anger and fear about the government, leading to vast increases in purchases of guns and ammo, plus (of course) increased paranoia, apocalyptic rhetoric, and hair-trigger responses.

That's why.

Still Clinging

Eric Allie, 12/17/12:
"And I can say that with certainty because there are no countries that eliminated most guns and saw gun violence plummet -- certainly not Australia and the UK in the last 20 years."

"Yup, and cartoonists would never claim something that could be so easily refuted."

Terrifying Vistas of Reality

Elena Steier, 12/17/12:
Um, the lunatic gunman will shoot down the mongoloid kid -- who can't be protected by the too-short guardian angel with a pinhead -- unless Devil Cthulhu can drag him down to Hell first?

Is this an editorial cartoon, or a Robert Williams painting? I'm not even sure if Steier is against assault weapons based on this cartoon.

The Stupid, It Burns Once Again

Richard Bartholomew, 12/17/12:
Gun violence has nothing to do with national culture -- Canada, with a similar number of guns per capita to the US, has much fewer spree killers -- or with mental-health issues, or size of magazines, or with phases of the moon, or any other superficially plausible explanation.

No, gun violence rises and falls in a pure link with unemployement, which is why there have been so many since 2008 and none before that -- as, for example, 1999, the lowest in 30 years.

Once again, cartoonists -- five minutes on Wikipedia. That's all we ask.

Dec 17, 2012

Brass In Pocket

Michael Ramirez, 12/15/12:
The fact that government requires funding from its taxpayers is shocking, surprising, and to be deplored.

Set My People Free

Randy Bish, 12/14/12:
Not being able to get married is exactly like being a slave -- you're stolen from your home, treated as property, worked to death, beaten and raped, and have no legal recourse or escape.


Lisa Benson, 12/14/12:
The GOP wants to eliminate pretty much all government spending -- and Benson thinks that's a good thing.


Terry Wise, 12/16/12:
Please tell me Wise isn't saying "the Newtown shooting will inevitably lead to stricter gun-control laws, so I'm grieving for my babies, these guns here."


Dec 14, 2012

Row Row Row Your Boat

Arend Van Dam, 12/13/12:
The "fair share" of taxes for the two 2% of earners is, amazingly, exactly what they paid in the Clinton years.

The fair share of taxes for everyone else is, equally amazingly, exactly what they are paying now.

Those Grubby, Poor-People Fists

A.F. Branco, 12/13/12:
When you take away the bargaining power of a whole class of citizens in order to further enrich a group of billionaires, they're supposed to acquiesce meekly and beg you not to hurt them any more.