Look Who's Talking?

Cal Grondahl, 10/2/13:

The government shutdown is a nuclear fireball, and this family -- representing average Americans? -- is very stupid to stand and watch it, since they'll all die of very painful radiation poisoning within a week.

Or is it supposed to be a spaceship taking off? (Or landing?) It's not exactly a mushroom cloud, but it's not exactly anything else, either.

And the punch line seems to be completely unrelated.

Or is the government shutdown the shockwave from the mushroom cloud, which should be labeled something else? I'm so confused.

Heat-Seeking Moisture Missile of Love

Cal Grondhal, 4/3/13:

Gay marriage is exactly like a nuclear missile heading straight for the US, in that a nuclear weapon would kill millions and leave thousands of acres barren and desolated for hundreds of years, while gay marriage would make millions of people happy and mildly increase the economy.

White Folks in Minivans: America's Secret Horror

Cal Grondahl, 2/22/12:

America: the family-friendly, happy oppressive security regime!

(I hope this is a reference to some specific story in Grondahl's native Utah, because otherwise it's just creepy.)