Mar 29, 2013

How Horrible It Would Be To Correlate List of Crazy People With Lists of Guns!

Chuck Asay, 3/28/13:
That's right -- the government can keep databases of people, of automobiles, of drugs, of all kinds of things -- but they've been specifically stopped from keeping track of machines designed to kill people.

Well, certain kinds of guns -- there's been tough federal controls on fully automatic weapons since the '30s -- which I'm sure Asay thinks is an unconscionable restraint on his liberty to fill the air around him with lead.

Over Macho Grande

Lisa Benson, 3/28/13:
OK, so in the tower marked "politics," someone -- is he the "U.S. Senate," or is that supposed to be the name of the airport? -- is playing solitaire while "DOT Cuts" plummets helplessly towards the Earth.

So...the Senate could have ended the sequester? (Or maybe just the parts of it that are particularly painful to rural, Republican-leaning districts?) Because they have budgetary authority, instead of the House? And DOT Cuts is a self-directed thing that just happened, but could have been saved through unspecified means?

Does any of that make sense?

Or is this just Benson throwing some random imagery down on paper and hoping that people realize that she's blaming Democrats for everything -- since that is, after all, her job?

Mar 28, 2013

Why Should My Values Be Limited to ME?

Bob Gorrell, 3/27/13:
The very most important "traditional family value" is, of course, keeping other people from doing things that you don't like.

Just ask the Puritans!

Mar 27, 2013

Lend Me a Hand

Jerry Holbert, 3/26/13:
Oh no! A government plan to cut all spending across budgets by exactly the same amount is operating exactly as it was planned, with cuts everywhere instead of a few things eliminated entirely!

It's horrible when something does what it was supposed to!

(Oh, and the aid to the Palestinians is approximately 6/10th of one percent...of the sequester total for this year, and a vastly tinier fraction of the whole federal budget. The US government probably spends more than that on toasters.)

Eat the Apple, Adam

Scott Stantis, 3/26/13:
Some people are just better at their jobs than others, for reasons that are probably too complicated and tied into "adequate pay" and "on-the-job training" and "sufficient autonomy and job security" to mention.

For example, some cartoonists would have managed to figure out a punchline for this one.

Mar 26, 2013

Fat, Drunk, and Stupid Is No Way to Go Through Life, Son

A.F. Branco, 3/25/13:
All media outlets that don't employ Branco are deceptive fountains of misinformation, and listening to them will allow the wily Chinese  to sneak up on your unprotected flank.

Oh, and they're coming for your precious bodily fluids, all the dominoes will fall, and Branco has in his hands the names of fifty-three confirmed Communists working in the State Department.

Mar 25, 2013

He's Dead -- Murdered! And Someone's Responsible!

Michael Ramirez, 3/24/13:
If only the media hadn't reported on things that Republicans actually said, they would have won the election in a landslide!

So it's all the media's fault!

Subtle Racial Stereotype Theatre Presents

Henry Payne, 3/22/13:
The actual leader of the larger, stronger and more important country in "US-Israel relations," after more than four years on the job, is a "student driver" because he doesn't do exactly what his junior partner wants him to do at all times. Remember, the apocalypse won't happen as evangelical Christians want it to unless Israel gets to set it up correctly.

Also note that there is no issue that Payne can't draw a car to illustrate.

The Perils of Super-Majority

Ed Gamble, 3/22/13:
Actually, in our current all-filibuster-all-the-time Senate, nothing at all can even hit the floor unless it has sixty guaranteed votes. And the assault weapons ban didn't have that.

No more complicated explanation is necessary; that's just how it is these days. Super-majority or nothing at all.

Playing the Decider

A.F. Branco, 3/22/13:
{high-pitched whine}
We haven't started any new wars in almost ten years! And when we pull the troops out of Afghanistan soon, we won't have any wars going on at all! Syria and Iran are just begging for it! Please, please, please start up some new wars now!
{/high-pitched whine}

Mar 22, 2013

Self-Awareness: Level Zero

Chuck Asay, 3/20/13:
Asay apparently doesn't realize that political donations are voluntary; no matter how much you're "targeted," you don't need to give Rove anything if you don't want to.

Of course, if political hacks scare you night and day with misleading editorial cartoons and news stories about death panels and gun confiscations and sinister coverups and plots of revolution and UN black helicopters -- a la Chuck Asay -- then maybe you will give that big donation that Rove is looking for.

Being Necessary to the Security of a Free State

Chuck Asay, 3/21/13:
"Arms" meaning, of course, exactly the same thing now as it did in 1791 -- the weaponry that a country uses to go to war: then, muskets, and now, advanced airplanes, tanks and nuclear submarines.

Therefore, any individual citizen that can maintain an F-16 is entitled to carry it.

Wait, are you saying Ted Cruz admits that there are military weapons that aren't covered under the Second Amendment's definition of "arms," and he's just arguing about where the line is?


Mar 20, 2013

Thank You Sir, May I Have Another!

A.F. Branco, 3/19/13:
If the Republicans change any single thing in their current platform -- no matter if it's to, y'know, actually get people to vote for them -- they will have irrevocably changed themselves into Democrats.

Also, only Branco would not only associate "branding" with the cattle kind, but put it into such a squickish Bush-at-Skull-and-Bones image.

Mar 19, 2013

Too Dumb to Read the Sign

Terry Wise, 3/18/13:
Yes, Wise expects us to commiserate with small businessmen whose products now command double the prices they did in 2008.

Whatever happened to the creative destruction of capitalism? If these feebs can't make money in that kind of a rising market, I'm surprised they can stand outside in the rain without drowning.

Mar 18, 2013

Fractured Fairy Tale

Steve Breen, 3/17/13:
Yes! Exactly! Ha ha! Suck it, liberals!

We're going to take our big American cars that run on natural gas -- which, by the way, doesn't have prices set on a global market, so we can use our fossil fuels in this country and reap the full price benefits -- and save, save, save!

If you happen to have one of those very rare cars that runs on petroleum products, though, you're screwed.

Will This Be on the Final?

Lisa Benson, 3/15/13:
It's so much simpler when poor people just accept that they don't deserve health care, and go off to die quietly, isn't it?

Surgical Metaphors -- Just What the GOP Needs!

Chuck Asay, 3/15/13:
To be fair, the Republican plan should probably be represented by the word "scalpel" about three dozen more times here.

Keep on Trucking?

A.F. Branco, 3/15/13:
The sitting President is besmirching the reputation of the entire country in a way that Branco doesn't even need to mention.

(One suspects the President's skin color might factor into it.)

Mar 15, 2013

Wherever You Are in the World...

Arend van Dam, 3/3/13:
Global warming means it's never cold anywhere!

I Cut It Down With My Little Axe

Michael Ramirez, 3/14/13:
Dow at 14,000. Record corporate profits for several years running. Yup, the economy is certainly horrible out there, especially for Ramirez's readers over at Investor's Business Daily.

When in Danger Or in Doubt

Mike Lester, 3/14/13:
If you let the mere fact that your favorite punching bag isn't actually in the news stop you from cartooning another cheap shot today, you're just not trying hard enough.

Also, is Lester calling for a female pope? A black female pope?!

First They Came for the Assault Weapons, And I Didn't Speak Up Because I'm a Handgun Man

Chuck Asay, 3/14/13:
Whenever Democrats take over in a political region, the very first thing they do, inevitably, is confiscate all of the guns in that area.

Why, it's happened so many times that Asay doesn't feel the need to cite a single precedent!

Prepare for a Wave of Latino Stereotypes

Paul Berge, 3/14/13:
Hey! Did'ja hear that the new Pope is Hispanic?!

I suppose we should be happy that Berge merely implied that Francis has a scandalous weakness for the ladies rather than putting him in a floppy hat and sombrero....

Mar 14, 2013

Pry My Dr. Pepper From My Cold, Dead Hands

Clay Bennett, 3/13/13:
All of our health and obesity problems would be solved if only we would drink water with our triple heart-attack burgers and jumbo fries.

Mar 12, 2013

Courts, Shmorts -- Just Shoot Him!

Jerry Holbert, 3/11/13;
Exactly! We already know exactly who all of the good and bad people are in the world -- well, at least the President does, and we all always trust the current President, right? -- so we should just let him use drones to kill every last person he wants to, so the world can finally be safe!

The rule of law is for pussies!

Carefully Exclude That Middle!

Terry Wise, 3/11/13:
Remember: they're called criminals because they don't follow laws, right? (NRA Talking Point #1.)

And, as Wise points out here (NRA Talking Point #2), gun registrations and similar actions primarily affect lawful gun-owners, since criminals, by definition, break every single law, all of the time, and can never be punished for their crimes.

Therefore no laws are ever needed for anything, since they only discomfit the honest while the evil disregard them!

If Anyone Uses the Term "Ssireum," I'll Eat My Hat

Monte Wolverton, 3/11/13:
Either Wolverton doesn't realize that sumo is actually Japanese, or he assumes "all them slant-eyes" are the same.

So, for those scoring at home, this counts for both "racist" and "sizeist" on your Cartoonist Offensiveness Bingo Card.

Mar 11, 2013

Peppered With Shots by the Responding Officers

Terry Wise, 3/10/13:
There is no imaginable reason to make "a salt rifle" -- or, even more so, to call it that -- except to cause trouble.

And it's only middle-aged white guys who think agitating armed officers of the law is a fun and safe thing to do.

Give Me Your Tired, Your Poor, Your Hungry....

Chan Lowe, 3/8/13:
Americans, being one of the poorest nations in the world, are used to relying on aid from foreign oil-rich governments to heat their homes.

Mar 8, 2013

So Many Questions, So Little Sense

Daryl Cagle, 3/6/13:
Um...the Cardinals currently attempting to choose the new Pope are all really old and forgetful?

And lying about...something?

This isn't a local cartoon for someplace, is it? Are those supposed to be three specific Cardinals? (The only Cardinal I can tell by sight is Ozzie Smith.)

Trick Shot

Rosse Gosse, 3/7/13:
Ladies and gentlemen, this is the single worst caricature of anyone that I've ever seen.

And I doubt any of you could find a worse one.

Tortured Toast Theatre

Joe Heller, 3/7/13:
This cartoon actually makes clear the otherwise inexplicable bloodlust from Heller's fellow cartoonists toward Chavez -- who never invaded the US, threatened us in any way, or did anything more than be a popular leader of a county a few thousand miles away who espoused a political philosophy denigrated in the USA.

You see, we're just wishing it had been Castro, who actually was a Soviet satellite back when that meant something.

Body in the Box

A.F. Branco, 3/7/13:
In your face, Venezuela! If your medical system can't keep alive terminal patients, it's clearly useless!

Flyover States

Terry Wise, 3/7/13:
It must be soothing to be so innocent that the worst thing you think drones might do is to "spy on us."

The idea that states can make their own aviation rules is also amusing.

Mar 7, 2013

Where's Androcles When You Need Him?

Bob Englehart, 3/6/13:
Hugo Chavez was the fiendish leader of a worldwide organization that daunted American aims at every turn for decades, so we all cheer at his death.

Or was he just the recent leader of a small, minor country whose most offensive action was disagreeing with US policy in ways that didn't actually stop us from doing anything?

Editorial cartoonists -- Englehart is only the one I picked on -- would like you to believe the former.

Mar 6, 2013

Merely a Flesh Wound!

Rob Rogers, 3/5/13:
The circa-3% cuts demanded by the sequester have cut America in half!

Are the two halves the "blue states" that send more money to DC than they get back (and so will do OK) and the "red states" (whose representatives mostly caused this problem) who usually get more than they give, and who will be in more trouble the longer this goes on?

Or is this just a cheap metaphor? (I know how I'm betting!)

Not Just Racist, But Dumb

Robert Ariail, 3/5/13:
Ha ha! Some people are weird and different, because their skins aren't utterly pale like normal people!

(And don't get them started about those bizarre women!)

Mar 4, 2013

Just Because It's THE LAW Doesn't Mean They'll DO IT

Chuck Asay, 3/1/13:
It is the duty of politicians to oppose and stymie the law of the land, if that law was proposed by the other party.

No, really, Asay just said that.

Oh No! We Must All "Sell Our Investments"!!!

Michael Ramirez, 3/1/13:
If there was any doubt about what audience Ramirez was cartooning for, over there at Investor's Business Daily [1], this cartoon should put that to rest: it's entirely people who are rich enough to worry about taxes increasing on millionaires, and arrogant to refuse to make the slightest cutbacks in their gold-plated lives.

Wall Streeters, for short.

[1] I had to check on the placement of the apostrophe, which was stupid of me -- of course it was the individual form; those folks wouldn't collectively piss on a barn on fire.

Do We Care About Her Muu-Muu?

Terry Wise, 3/1/13:
Yes, this was published in an actual newspaper, which implies that there isn't actually an Elwood (P. Dowd, he asked, inquisitively?) being skewered and that thus Wise thinks this was the most pressing issue for a political cartoonist to opine about on the day the sequester hit.