No Fat Chicks!

Mike Lester, 10/30/13:

There's nothing worse than getting to know another human being and then discovering she's a real heifer! Man -- total boner fail!

Amirite?

Everybody's Learning How

John R. Rose, 10/30/13:

Oh, look! It's the rare Mid-90s Whitewater Joke in its native habitat -- a lazy editorial cartoon!

Shouldn't Rose be spending his time doing another dozen cartoons about how swell the local college is?

Well, His Hair IS Perfect

John Cole, 10/30/13:

Wouldn't a "were-elephant" be a man who turned into an elephant? Since this fella is supposed to be the GOP, wouldn't that mean he was already an elephant?

And what, exactly, is he turning into?

Weep No More, My Lady

Terry Wise, 10/29/13:

Oh no! People might be signing up for healthcare! And they might not precisely fit the rules!

We must get rid of those people at all costs!

Is He Man, or Monster?

Charlie Daniel, 10/29/13:

You make the call!

Is this...

A: a particularly odd take on the NSA spying scandal?

B: a really lame attempt to give a racist name a new excuse?

C: Both!

Is This a "Turd Blossom" Reference?

Mike Luckovich, 10/25/13:

Republicans are trying to destroy Democracy!

...with their poop!

(No, I mean, that's literally what this cartoon is saying. Destroy democracy with poop. Full stop.)

Don't Be a Stupid, Be a Smarty!

Taylor Jones, 10/27/13:

Those crazy Germans are all Nazis, anyway -- you don't need to care what they say!

And since the media can only focus on one aspect of a story, there's the whole "wiretapping on world leaders" thing wrapped up and disposed of.

Always Pack Your Own

A.F. Branco, 10/24/13:

Health care is so important that any thing that delays or stops Americans from getting it is an immediate, horrible problem.

Unless that's forty-some-odd votes against the parachute, of course.

Your Call Is Important To Us

Glenn McCoy, 10/23/13:

For-profit health providers, such as insurance companies, are well-known for amazing customer service and perfectly clear communications -- especially around important areas like signing up and the cost of benefits.

Ooh! Spooky Bizarre Collection of Mismatched Architectural Features!

Kevin Siers, 10/23/13:

Health care is creepy, man! We don't want anything to do with that!

Anarchy Now!

Tim Campbell, 10/18/13:

We came this close to achieving the anarchist utopia, mere hours from having our debt repudiated worldwide and our entire government destroyed, so that we could march forward into the glorious vision of being each responsible for our own police, fire protection, food safety, air quality, roads, military protection, parkland, trash disposal, education, and old-age income security.

But that damn zombie government had to spring back to life!

Poor Elephant, Leaving His Flag Out as a Doormat Like That

Chip Bok, 10/18/13:

The Democrats have done something -- what, exactly, Bok doesn't want to say -- to bring into disrepute the Gadsden flag, which was used during the Revolution.

Um, the scalawags? Boo, hiss? What are we protesting here?

The Ship of State

Jim Morin, 10/17/13:

The original Boston Tea Party boldly threw crates of tea off the nation that wouldn't exist for another twenty years!

And that means...um, what, exactly?

Does ANYONE Ever Look Good in a Branco Cartoon?

A.F. Branco, 10/17/13:

Because if there's anything Americans love more than losers, it's loudmouth guys who talk about all of the big things they're going to do before they quietly fold their hands and slink out the back door.

Americans usually love that, so it's hard to see why they're not celebrating this time.

The East Oshkosh Noble Savages, Anyone?

Mike Lester, 10/15/13:

"...and, as Scalia has taught us, words never change their meanings, so it's impossible that something has become more offensive over time."

"That's right, Bob! And that explains why millions of American men are called Dick, as they were in the 1950s!"

It's Getting Colder These Days, so Global Warming CAN'T Be True!

A.F. Branco, 10/15/13:

As long as you define "global warming" in the correct manner -- as in, "it's hotter every single day than any prior reference" -- this statement is absolutely true. And nearly 3% of climate scientists would agree with it!

Branco is a master of goalpost setting.

The "Ten Entitlement Programs or Fewer" Lane

Lisa Benson, 10/15/13:

Benson is just begging Obama to mint that trillion-dollar platinum coin, now, isn't she?

The only other alternative would be that she's forgotten that "cash" is actually created by the government.

Homophones Are Homo-Phun!

Tim Hartman, 10/10/13:

Nobody has a clue how the debt limit does, do they?

Because it actually doesn't add to our debt -- it allows the government to continue servicing the debt, which is the equivalent of a regular person paying the credit card bill.

Introducing the Icon Accessor 3000!

Ann Cleaves, 10/10/13:

Your guess is as good as mine, folks!

Maybe it's an oblique commentary on the very reactionary Tea Party wing of House Republicans? (I.e. -- they're as outdated as reel-to-reel tapes?) OK, that was a stretch.

How about a paen on Antiques Roadshow?

Anybody else got an idea?

Horrible Non-Specific "Waste"!

Randy Bish, 10/9/13:

Oh, no! Unlike every other large organization in the world -- which are all run so precisely that every penny balances at all times -- there is waste in the US federal government!

And it will never go away, even if we drown that government in a bathtub!

The Great American Booboise

David Horsey, 10/9/13:

The problem with American politics in a nutshell: Southerners are allowed to vote!

If only there were some kind of sensible test one could implement to weed out such people, the kind of test that only smart and cultured Angelinos like Horsey could pass.

It's That Time of Year Again....

Gary Varvel, 10/8/13:

Global warming means it's never cold anywhere ever!

Time to Get THE SNAKE!

Deb Milbrath, 10/8/13:

Congress is nothing better than a toilet, and Uncle Sam -- representing the "mainstream" government -- is actively trying to destroy those intrepid, freethinking Tea Partiers in the Toilet of Congress -- but, so far, they're too hardy to flush.

Disgusting and the opposite of what Milbrath intended -- quite impressive.

When Terrorism Metaphors Go Horribly Awry

David Fitzsimmons, 10/7/13:

Shutting down some vague percentage of the vast operations of a national government in order to try to stop an entirely different piece of that government from operating is just like the worst terrorist attack of our time.

Or is Fitzsimmons going to claim those are "cement walls," or something equally weaselly?

Pinned

Gary McCoy, 10/7/13:

The party responsible for the shutdown is not the one that had a secret conclave back in January to plan what, exactly, they'd ask for to avoid a shutdown, nor the one that has a huge extra-party apparatus agitating for a shutdown since the last election, nor the one that had eighty members of Congress sign a letter to their party leader essentially demanding that shutdown.

No, it's the other party, the one who just won't realize that the Republicans really are that crazy, and that they can keep this up as long as they want. It's always the fault of the guy who's capable of compromise, after all.

They'll Be in Paris by Christmas!

John Deering, 10/5/13:

Syria and Iran are exactly like Germany in 1938, two world-class powers that have spent a decade rearming and ruthlessly eliminating any internal dissension so they can quickly conquer their neighbors, who are the richest, most advanced and powerful nations in the world.

Really!

Because Healthcare Is Indiscriminately Destructive, Right?

Nate Beeler, 10/6/13:

Allowing people to sign up for healthcare plans that will start in three months -- not even actually getting healthcare now, just signing up to have coverage later -- is exactly like a nuclear bomb.

We Must Save People From Having Health Insurance!

Chip Bok, 10/5/13:

So the current group of insurance companies in the US -- the ones offering plans on Obamacare exchanges, exactly like their plans through employers -- are horrible monsters that should be shunned and eliminated?

Glad to hear Bok's coming out in favor of single-payer, but I wish he'd be a bit clearer.

And the Boehner Monument Is a Pile of Cigarette Ash

Michael Ramirez, 10/5/13:
When the Republican Speaker of a Republican-dominated branch of the legislature refuses to allow a vote to continue to fund the government, as is his Constitutional responsibility, it obviously must be the fault of the black guy.

Amazing How He Won't Negotiate With Terrorists

Henry Payne, 10/5/13:

Seriously! Obama's been rolling over for the GOP for five years now -- abandoning his own health-care plan for the one championed by Nixon, the Heritage Foundation, and Romney; keeping Gitmo open; shrinking the stimulus and channeling it through Republican business-owners; giving up on prosecuting any of the people who trashed the economy in 2008; slashing the federal budget by about a third with the sequester; and so on -- so it's really surprising to find there's a limit to how far the Tea Party can shove him to the right.

Healthcare Is Healthcare, Right? It's all EXACTLY THE SAME, Isn't It?

John R. Rose, 10/5/13:

"...and I absolutely need to talk to a doctor right away about signing up for a healthcare plan that starts in January. Sure, I know most Americans get healthcare through their employers, and typically have enrollment periods in early November, but I'm acting irrationally in a dumb way, because my creator has no idea how any of this works!"

Look Who's Talking?

Cal Grondahl, 10/2/13:

The government shutdown is a nuclear fireball, and this family -- representing average Americans? -- is very stupid to stand and watch it, since they'll all die of very painful radiation poisoning within a week.

Or is it supposed to be a spaceship taking off? (Or landing?) It's not exactly a mushroom cloud, but it's not exactly anything else, either.

And the punch line seems to be completely unrelated.

Or is the government shutdown the shockwave from the mushroom cloud, which should be labeled something else? I'm so confused.

How Can the Cartoonist For Investors Business Daily Get Economics So Wrong?

Michael Ramirez, 10/1/13:

A: Many households have a total debt higher than their annual income -- it's called a mortgage.

B: The Debt Limit, in this metaphor, isn't the limit on the credit card -- it's paying the credit card when the bill comes in. Which both the country and this imaginary family can do easily.

Scary, Scary Health Care! We Hates It!

Gary McCoy, 9/30/13:

It's a little-known fact that it's really healthcare that kills people -- why do you think so many people die in hospitals?

That's why the GOP is urging young people not to sign up for health insurance -- if you never see a doctor, you'll live forever!

Department of Redundancy Department

Ann Cleaves, 10/2/13:

Go to the ATM Machine and type in your PIN Number on the LCD Display, because the GOP Party is here!

ENTITLED To Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness? As IF!

A.F. Branco, 10/1/13:

People get soft and weak when they rely too much on the government for paved roads and clean water and being safe in our homes and having fire-fighters and the whole "rule of law" thing.

Anarchy now!

Icy Hot!

Lisa Benson, 10/1/13:

Global warming means it never gets cold anywhere ever again!

And it really takes chutzpa to publish a cartoon like this within a week after the largest study yet of global warming declared a 95% certainty that it's really happening and really cause by human activity -- glad to know Benson is as able to ignore the real world as ever.

Governments are For LOSERS

Gary Varvel, 10/1/13:

All the things that real Americans care about -- none of that sissy National Park stuff, or food stamps for icky poor people, or the National Institutes of Health for those horrible sick people, or housing voucher for those even ickier poor people, or having clean air and water because of the EPA, or most of the VA except for their hospitals, or the WIC program that helps pregnant women eat healthy and have healthy babies, or half of the civilian employees of the Department of Defense -- will keep running during this "government shutdown."

So why should we care?

Global Warming Means It's Never Going to Be Cold Anywhere Ever Again

A.F. Branco, 9/30/13:

Some time in the indefinite future, it will be cold somewhere where it is usually hot, for some unspecified reason.

Based on that unsupported claim, we can prove that it will never be hot anytime in between, nor that there will be any other changes to the climate, because things always stay the same, period.