We Got Some Flyin' To Do

Tim Hartman, 11/22/13:

The rules of the Senate are defined forever in some section of the Constitution that the cartoonist was too lazy to look up, and are definitely not just controlled by a simple vote of the majority of the Senate, having been changed a number of times, most recently in 1975.

No, definitely not the latter. No fair checking actual facts!

Homophones Are Homo-Phun!

Tim Hartman, 10/10/13:

Nobody has a clue how the debt limit does, do they?

Because it actually doesn't add to our debt -- it allows the government to continue servicing the debt, which is the equivalent of a regular person paying the credit card bill.

The Binary of Stiff Upper Lip and Stark Utter Panic

Tim Hartman, 8/6/13:

and Ed Gamble, also 8/6/13:

When a President gets a serious tip about a potential major terrorist attack, the manly thing to do is ignore it, like Bush did.

If it turns out to be true, you can always invade some countries later, and look exceptionally tough while doing so.

You Can Also Buy Drugs That Kill Bacteria and Viruses Inside of You

Tim Hartman, 5/2/13:

If you're not too young to get pregnant, you're not too young to give birth -- and, besides, if we don't force sluts to have their shame babies, how can we keep control of our womenfolk?

Hegemonic Religion Round-Up: Infant Jesus Edition

The following cartoonists would like it to be known that their most central religious beliefs and concerns are precisely as shallow and bland as the average in their particular paper's circulation areas:

Randy Bish, 12/25/12:

Gary Varvel, 12/25/12 -- though he apparently worships an orb, and carefully avoids drawing any contemporary political parallels with "Prince of Peace":

Tim Hartman, 12/24/12 -- channeling a very clingy mother, or assuming we can all fondle the Baby Jesus through some hitherto unknown version of transubstantiation:

Rick McKee, 12/21/12:

Bill Day, 12/21/12, who also displays a shaky understanding of where babies actually come from:

And, finally, this odd little number from Berlin's Rainer Hatchfield, which, yes, does feature both Joseph copping a feel and farm animals devouring the newborn JC, 12/24/12:

Logicially, Then, If Someone's Universally Hated, He Must Be Perfect!

Tim Hartman, 9/4/12:

It's much, much worse to say bad things about someone -- even, I suppose, if they're true -- than to actually be those bad things.

And, of course, Romney and Ryan have never accused their opponents of anything bad, have they?

You Must Be This White and Male to Vote

Tim Hartman, 8/1/12:

Remember:

• Laws don't have to be equitable -- they can benefit some groups and harm others
• There's nothing wrong with deliberately confusing voters to discourage them or lead them to vote for a candidate they didn't choose (remember butterfly ballots? totally legal!)
• Governments should pursue policies that are deeply unpopular with their constituents
• If you don't spend all the time between now and November 6th making sure you can vote, you're just a dilettante who shouldn't be allowed in, anyway

Whither the Sweater-vest?

Today's amazing bit of synchronicity comes from MStreeter:

and Tim Hartman:

As usual, if an idea is this obvious, you can assume that someone else is having it at the same time.

The Obligatory "Everyone Who Disagrees With My Religion Will Be Tormented Eternally" Round-Up

Let's see who felt the urge to avoid actual work and instead signpost their mainstream, unsurprising religious views this weekend, shall we?

First up is Gary Varvel's 4/8/12 cartoon:

Which implicitly threatens the rest of the world with death. Classy!

And then there's Randy Bish's cartoon for the same day:

This one takes the same imagery, shows it twice for added boredom, and then throws in a pop-culture reference so stale that only an editorial cartoonist would attempt it!


Ed Gamble, also on 4/8/12:

He takes the bold step of simply stating his religious doctrine baldly, without any commentary and barely a stab at passable art. But Ed's a Christian in a majority-Christian society, so he gets to count the time he spent on this -- both minutes -- as work!

Tim Hartman's Easter Sunday cartoon

uses the same (tired, bland, sectarian) text and at least tries to re-link it to spring, rebirth, and (implicitly) all of those old spring festivals that the early Church stole from to begin with.

A day earlier -- note that, since it makes the whole point of the cartoon moot -- Joe Heller gave us this:

A poignant rewrite of the old Pennsylvania Dutch proverb "Kissing don't last; Cooking does;" Heller contrasts the candy his readers hadn't gotten yet when they saw this cartoon with the eternal damnation he knows is in store for them if they don't knuckle under to whichever particular denomination of American Christianity he's sure is the Only True Religion.

Rick McKee took his Friday cartoon (4/6)

to wish his co-religionists a happy holiday. He, too, got to count a greeting card as his work for the day. Nice work if you can get it.


Bill Day, even earlier than that (4/5) had this

horrifying vision of the Great Bird of the Galaxy hatching out of the shell of the earth. Either Day doesn't actually know how shells work, or he hopes that his little peace symbol will make everything OK. Either way, it's pretty creepy.

And, finally, Steve Breen actually understands the concept of an editorial cartoon, using the seasonal theme to actually make a comment on something else:

Everyone else, take a close look at this one -- we'll be checking to see if you learned it when Christmas rolls around.


(And, no, I didn't see a single Passover cartoon. Of course, only the hegemonic religion can be allowed this degree of flabbiness.)

Update:

Hey! Here's another actual editorial cartoon on an Easter theme, from Gary McCoy on 4/7:

It's paint-by-numbers and pretty dull, but it shines in this horrible company!

Update 2:
Glenn McCoy took the weekend off, but came back on Monday (4/9)

to point out that he, too, is a white Christian male (like Jesus!) and that he'd like the opportunity to avoid real work for another day.  

Is This What They Call "Social Insurance?"

Tim Hartman, 2/13/12:

That's right! Every American should have the right to veto payment for any health-care related expense for any other American, no matter what!

Your fat neighbor needs a heart bypass? Denied!

That grumpy kid you never liked gets cancer? No chemo for you, little creep!

Well-care for that fifth pregnancy of Mrs. Holier-than-thou? Sorry, babe, better pray harder!

Mistakes Were Made

Tim Hartman, 1/24/12:

"...and what's a little ignoring child rape, anyway! The important thing is that you won football games!"

Stacked Like Cordwood

Tim Hartman, 3/9/11:

Pennsylvania schools are just itching to get out from under all their horrible government restrictions, like having to educate kids and give them standardized tests and even feed some of them! It they could just let the little buggers run wild, it would be much easier to balance the budget.

Note the Subtle Intimations of Slavery and Incarceration

Tim Hartman, 3/3/11:

The only way to save the school system is to take away all of its money to fund a series of random folks who have never run schools before.

What could possibly go wrong?