Jul 31, 2013

An Attack of the Vapors

Bob Gorrell, 7/30/13:
Seriously, a black guy has been President for five years now! What the hell kind of country would allow that!


Steve Kelley, 7/30/13:
The "War on Women" isn't a systematic attack on women's ability to control their own health and sexuality -- with ever-tightening limits on abortion and contraceptive care, slashed funding for health centers that care for women, and paternalistic ideology -- but simply the lecherous attention of "liberated" men, who simply can't control themselves around attractive women.

And that, of course, is why women need to be protected -- handed over from fathers to husbands like the important property they are.

Jul 30, 2013

Stars Upon Thars

R.J. Matson, 7/29/13:
If politicians just didn't belong to political parties -- didn't run in elections, stand for specific policies, and were committed to a specific ideological framework -- they'd find it much easier to work together.

Congratulations, Matson! You've just independently discovered the concept of bureaucracy!

Know Your Rights: All Three of 'Em

Terry Wise, 7/29/13:
If you're not exactly as outraged by every single death everywhere in the world, you're a poser.

Jul 29, 2013

If You See This Man...

Darryl Barksdale, 7/28/13:
Someone, somewhere, is for sale, and Barksdale is calling him out on it. Pity we don't know who that is.

(I'm of the opinion that it's Chris Christie, mostly because he's my governor. But it could be almost any middle-aged white male politician, which is to say most of them.)

Barksdale could stand a bit of work on his specificity, is what I'm saying.

We Don't Need No Water

Ken Catalino, 7/28/13:
So "spending" -- by the government, we assume, on things like bombers and school lunches and roads and food inspectors -- is a wildfire that destroys things, while the concept of "cuts" is a stream of water?

I would really hate to be Catalino's economics teacher right now -- that's someone who clearly failed at an important job.

The Same Incredible Terror That's Menacing Me Will Strike at You!

Ken Catalino, 7/26/13:
Our current President -- by recent historical standards, a middle-of-the-road Republican like Ford, Nixon or Bush I -- is actually a fiendish alien symbiote who is systematically polluting our precious bodily fluids!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Seriously, Catalino just said that. If anyone out there is his physician, could you check to make sure he's taking his meds?

Jul 26, 2013

The Art of Saying "Nice Doggie!"

Pat Oliphant, 7/25/13:
Um...black teen boys are like nasty dogs in a dark alley?

This certainly smells like a cartoon loudly declaring that profiling is just fine, and that those scary Others must be out to get us, because we're scared of them.

Jul 25, 2013

Look for the Robber Baron Label

A.F. Branco, 7/24/13:
Remember: the fact that white (mostly Republican) men ran the Big Three automakers into a hole for thirty years, and that highway spending and tax breaks allowed businesses and families (mostly white) to move out of Detroit into outer suburbs had nothing to do with its decline.

Nope, it's all about those uppity poor people wanting to get paid for their work.

Penny Ante

Paul Berge, 7/24/13:
Because nothing says wholesome Christian family values like child soldiers committing genocide.

(Nothing against Berge, who's just reporting here.)

Jul 23, 2013

It's Horrible When Other People Can Afford to Buy Things I Want

Milt Priggee, 7/22/13:
Everything was better when those foreign darkies were ignorant and poor.

Also, the US owns "capitalism." So no one else can use it without our permission!

I Know You Are But What Am I?

A.F. Branco, 7/22/13:
Branco is determined to out-right-wing any other cartoonist out there, even if he has to shoehorn a half-dozen unrelated ideas into a stale idea.

Please, he cries, won't some Koch brother bankroll me!

Jul 22, 2013

Monsters of the Id Theater Presents

Terry Wise, 7/21/13:
Um, yeah.

Is Wise really saying that a black-dominated city is a slavering monster, in reference to Obama's speech?

Is there any way this cartoon isn't horribly racist?

Changing the Subject at an Awkward Moment

Michael Ramirez, 7/19/13:
There's an epidemic of murders in this country and we need to do something about it immediately!

What? You say the best solution is nationwide registration and control of handguns? Oh, well, never mind then.

Note That "Commie" Is The Worst Insult Branco Can Think Of

A.F. Branco, 7/19/13:
Eric Holder is a dirty Commie because he wants to see an upstanding white man punished for nothing more than stalking and killing a black teenager.

Luckily, we live in a society where that's totally legal!

Oh, No! We Live in a Capitalist Economy!

Mike Smith, 7/19/13:
Magazines are non-profit operations; they have no interest in increasing their circulation and their writers always desire their stories to be read by as few people as possible.

To be blunter: everything a magazine does is to sell copies. A magazine is a business, and their product is copies of the magazine. This is not a difficult concept to grasp.

Smith cartoons for the Las Vegas Sun, which I am morally certain has never run a cover story because it expected to sell more copies based on that story -- no, sir!

Jul 19, 2013

Wanna See My Smiling Face

Steve Kelley, 7/18/13:
You've got two choices here today:

1) Magazines are uniquely important in American culture, which is why the approximately sixty zillion hours of Boston Bomber coverage on TV and thousands of pictures of him plastered across newspapers for months are acceptable, but one magazine cover that calls him a "Monster" is horrible.

2) The media have never covered any mass murderers before -- why, the public doesn't even know the names of previous mass killers like Dillinger, Manson, and Bundy, do they?

See also: Michael RamirezMike Lester, Steve Breen, and others who don't remember RS's long history of looking evil in the eye:

Jul 18, 2013

Fear of a Hoodied Planet

A.F. Branco, 7/17/13:
Multiple Choice!

A) "If only there were some other way of defending myself instead of shooting someone dead! But, sadly, such a thing just does not exist! Perhaps if I had studied MMA, or if I were substantially taller and heavier than this teenager, I would have some other options!"

B) "Perhaps if I really believe this person is dangerous, I should listen to the police dispatcher whom I just talked to!"

C) "Hey, whad'ya know -- people don't like it when you stalk them in your car and demand to know what they're doing! Sometimes they react badly! Maybe I should apologize, give up, and let this guy go!"

There Is No Racial Problem! I See Nothing!

Tim Campbell, 7/17/13:
Letting clueless white Americans know just how much non-white Americans mistrust and fear them -- not to mention explaining the reasons why non-white Americans feel that way -- is "dividing America by race."

Note that the stereotypical media person is a white guy of middle years, which is exactly the problem.

Hey! Look Over There!

Lisa Benson, 7/17/13:
The people riling up the abortion debate, and creating widespread surprise, unhappiness, and unrest, are those calling for fewer restrictions on abortions.

Benson also believes that it's been unseasonably cool in the Northeast recently, that the Pacific Ocean is terribly dry, and that sharks are small, cuddly, and covered with fur.

Jul 17, 2013

Payne IS Old Economy Steven!

Henry Payne, 7/16/13:
And it's been going on a long time, since the first federal loans to college students were in 1958, and the direct ancestor of the current program began in 1965.

Gosh, I wonder how Payne paid for college? He was born in 1962, so that was well within the Pell Grant era.

Afraid of the Dark?

A.F. Branco, 7/16/13:
"...of course, you did kill an innocent teenager, who was only in danger because you chased him for no good reason, and you'll have to live with that for the rest of your miserable life."

How sad. He killed someone, and there might be consequences! That's not supposed to happen when you knock off a black kid!

Jul 16, 2013

Corrosive, Deluded Nostalgia Strikes Again

Gary Varvel, 7/14/13:
Never before in the history of humanity have young men actually killed each other when they fought -- nope, not at all.

There was no "juvenile delinquency" scare in the '50s -- Varvel's "Good Old Days" -- and the parents of the time certainly weren't worried about kids being in gangs and killing each other. Nope, nope. Just like there were never any teen fights or gangs at any other time.

And Varvel's historical awareness is about as deep as the time he put into this cartoon.

Jul 15, 2013

Speaking of Really Bad Times for Lynching Metaphors

Michael Ramirez, 7/14/13:
Oh, how sad! The poor "White Hispanic" guy had to go through a simply awful trial just because he stalked and killed a teenager after being told not to by the police.

And he couldn't even get his gun back until the trial was over!

What a horrible, horrible fate! And all he did was shoot dead one black kid -- we all know that's perfectly legal in Florida!

Two Tablespoons of Foreign Aid and an Overflowing Cup of Condescension

Paul Fell, 7/12/13:
Golly! I guess those white Westerners should avoid adding "democracy" and "religion" to the "Arab World," shouldn't they? It's not as if those things ever existed there before, right?

We can just tell a whole region what to do, can't we? -- we're America!

Humps of a Dilemma

Michael Ramirez, 7/12/13:
The US President completely controls Egypt -- along with every other country in the whole damn world that doesn't want to see itself nuked to hell and gone.

America! Fuck Yeah!

Malthus Wants His Clock Back

Joel Pett, 7/12/13:
Environmental problems are entirely because of Certain People -- hint: those with skin tones darker than Pett's -- who keep having too many babies.

It certainly has nothing to do with the amount of energy and resources used in countries like the USA, oh no!

Be Careful -- That Gas Is Getting Really Expensive!

A.F. Branco, 7/12/13:
"Racial tension," of course, has nothing to do with laws that essentially let white guys stalk and kill black teenagers and get away with it -- it's entirely caused by the media.

'Cause black people wouldn't know about those things if they didn't see it on the TV, right?

Well, He DID Keep Us Out of War, I Guess

Darryl Barksdale, 7/12/13:
Oh no! The mid-term elections are going to be horrible for Woodrow Wilson, because of his scandals and Obamacare!

No, seriously, who is that supposed to be? Harry Reid, maybe -- if you squint a lot?

Jul 14, 2013


Nate Beeler, 7/12/13:
Gosh! Y'know what would be simpler and vastly easier to administrate? A single payer plan -- like Medicare or the vastly cheaper government-sponsored health-care plans every other modern democracy in the world has.

I wonder why we don't have one of those?

Jul 12, 2013

Igor Is Confused

A.F. Branco, 7/10/13:
If one kind of murder rate is high, then logically we cannot ever give any attention to any other kind of murder -- for example, since police officers are only killed rarely, we will now never care about any other police deaths.

Also, Branco seems to be advocating for some kind of larger solution to stop inner-city violence -- perhaps some strong nationwide laws to stop the kind of handguns that cause most of those deaths, perhaps?

The Only Cure for Puppet Masters: Go Topless All the Time

Darryl Barksdale, 7/11/13:
All left-wing protests are orchestrated by the Obama Justice Department; there is no opposition to Obama from the left, nor is there any independent anger with anything from the left that isn't controlled by that fiendish mastermind Eric Holder.

You know, if Barksdale can keep up his initial level of reality-ignoring and sheer lunacy, he just might be the replacement for Chuck Asay we were all hoping for.

Jul 9, 2013

Who Cares What Women Think About Women's Issues?

Jeff Darcy, 7/7/13:
Men do know women's health better than women do, and the sooner those dumb broads realize that and stop trying to make their own decisions, the better it will be for them.

Where does a dumb girl get off, trying to argue with clearly superior Texas men?

Jul 8, 2013

Obscure Slam of the Week

Paul Berge, 7/5/13:
For the 85%+ of you who haven't memorized the New Testament, I looked it up for you:

See what large letters I use as I write to you with my own hand!

I.e.: Christians are self-aggrandizing types primarily concerned with performing their own piety rather than actually doing good works or otherwise making the world better.

Supreme Executive Power Must Derive From a Mandate From the Masses, Not Some Farcial Aquatic Ceremony!

Terry Wise, 7/5/13:
Yes, Wise is seriously arguing that the fundamental law of our country is based entirely on the unexamined prejudices of a bunch of rich white men (mostly slave-owners) who died two hundred years ago.

More than that, he insists that's right.

If any right-wingers want to disavow Wise, the line forms right behind the counter, there.

A School Vending Machine After Bloomberg Gets To It?

Clay Bennett, 7/5/13:
Surely Bennett isn't actually complaining that the modern GOP isn't "pro-choice"? (Meaning relatively friendly to abortion rights.)

'Cause there's one thing that "choice" means in modern political parlance, and it's no secret the Republicans are agin' it.

Jul 4, 2013

Pride in WHAT?!

Ted Rall, 7/3/13:
Gay Men: it's all a trick! The more you do things traditionally associated with straight men, the more you will inexorably find yourself sexually attracted to women!

No, seriously, what is Rall's point here? That violence always leads to heterosexuality?

Jul 2, 2013

2000 Miles of Berlin Wall Wouldn't Satisfy Them

A.F. Branco, 7/1/13:
Spending on border security has increased over 800% in the last two decades, and there's now a net outflow of people to Mexico.

Unless "border security" is just code for "no one can enter the US without John Boehner's immediate personal approval," this is purely a red herring.

That New Cabinet Position, the Secretary of Marriage Planning

Darryl Barksdale, 7/1/13:
Yes, there's a secret White House plot to assign marriage ceremonies to particular venues -- very soon, you'll have to apply to the East Wing to have permission to get married, and then hope that you're not assigned to wed at the Fifth Church of Jesus, Auto Repairman out in Pigeon Forge.

Seriously, can no one read the text of the First Amendment anymore?

(I also note that, as always, when one door closes, another opens. Just as Chuck Asay retires, Barksdale appears to continue the grand tradition of missing the point and finding commies under every washtub.)

If You Chose Not to Decide, You Still Have Made a Choice

Terry Wise, 7/1/13:
You have no choice! The Supreme Court has spoken! All Americans will be forced to be gay-married to spouses scientifically chosen by Saul Alinsky and his cohorts!

Once again, a right-winger is deeply confused about how other people's marriages will affect him.

Jul 1, 2013

Why SHOULDN'T Talking, Sentient Rams Get Married?

Chip Bok, 6/28/13:
Church hierarchies can nullify the decisions of political leaders, if those decisions are not in line with the established religious dogma...

...in Iran.

You Won't Have Asay to Kick Around Anymore

Chuck Asay, 6/28/13:
Well, there goes a dependable source of fodder for this blog.

Asay is the spiritual father of Editorial Explanations; I was confused by several of his cartoons back on my regular blog, Antick Musings, and that led, more or less, to this magnificent edifice around us today. And so I have to thank him for his service, and for his unique viewpoint, which made writing here so much easier so many times.