It's Funny Because He's a Grown Man COMPLETELY UNFAMILIAR With a Common Object in Everyday Life!

Scott Stantis, 8/9/13:

Ha ha! Those young people, with their baggy pants and their rap music and their google glasses -- they don't know what a real, dying, money-hemorrhaging newspaper is!

And that's funny, because it means people like Stantis will lose their jobs forever!

Why Can't Gay People Stay in the Closet Where They Belong?

Scott Stantis, 5/1/13:

Tim Tebow received absolutely no attention -- and certainly no book or endorsement deals -- due to his very public identity as a Christian.

Nope, none. He's exactly as famous as a mid-rank quarterback who can't stay on a team should be.

Eat the Apple, Adam

Scott Stantis, 3/26/13:

Some people are just better at their jobs than others, for reasons that are probably too complicated and tied into "adequate pay" and "on-the-job training" and "sufficient autonomy and job security" to mention.

For example, some cartoonists would have managed to figure out a punchline for this one.

Over Macho Grande

Scott Stantis, 2/27/13:

The sequester is a life-saving mechanism which needs to be triggered -- it won't happen automatically and it wasn't specifically designed, two years ago, to do maximum damage to the priorities of both major American political parties in order to force them to make the deal that they subsequently failed to do.

In other news, it recently rained on the sun.

Where We're Going, We Won't Need....

Scott Stantis, 2/20/13:

Stantis would be happy to live without roads, police, firefighters, the military, clean food & water, and Chicago's mass-transit system -- just try him!

Once again, the right-wingers are straight-out calling for anarchy.

Billions for Oil, But Not One Cent For Biofuels!

Scott Stantis, 5/31/12:

Actually, the "green battle group" was entirely a Department of Defense idea -- since they use vast amounts of oil, and spend lots of treasure (and occasionally, lives) protecting their supply lines, they thought it would be prudent to have as many energy options as possible.

And it was the Republican congress that specifically killed that initiative, at the same time as they shovelled $8 billion dollars more into the overall budget than the DoD asked for (for projects near and dear to their own districts, natch).

But laugh it up about solar panels on a submarine, if that's what gets you through the day.

In This World Nothing Can Be Said to Be Certain...

Scott Stantis, 4/19/12:

This is a "don't bother Our Soldiers with pissant shit" cartoon, rather than a "the violent looney-tunes who take pictures with corpses are also tax deadbeats" cartoon, because we must all Support Our Troops at all times.

They're Biting Early This Year

Scott Stantis, 3/21/12:

Pro Tip: If you want your cartoon to stand alone without a caption, it's best not to have a character standing in a prominent spot with his mouth open.

Budgets Only Ever Go Up, Right?

Scott Stantis, 1/6/12:

Cutting the US's military by 10% over ten years -- when the US military budget is currently, and will still be, more than the rest of the entire world put together -- will utterly gut our ability to fight.

Lincoln Park or Jurassic Park?

Scott Stantis, 10/17/11:

Normally, I wouldn't post this one, since I have a sneaking suspicion it's actually some kind of op-ed illustration rather than an official editorial cartoon.

But Mondays are always slow, so why not? Enjoy a velociraptor on your next L ride.

Horrible Steve Jobs Cartoons Roundup, Day Two

It's always sad when a famous person dies. It's even sadder when the rest of us have to look at drivel like this!

MStreeter, 10/7/11:

Grammar matters, folks! "iCon" is not the same thing as "Icon," and calling attention to "Con" is probably not what you mean to do right now.

Ed Stein, 10/7/11:

There's a difference between a legacy and a tombstone...for most of us, that is.


Randy Bish, 10/7/11:

Jobs made products under the name of Apple, but he wasn't himself an Apple -- Bish seems to have missed that part.

Adam Zyglis, 10/7/11:

Plus one point for trying to incorporate Jobs's other major success, Pixar. Minus several dozen for the image of Buzz Jobs-year.

John R. Rose, 10/7/11:

Rose got the short straw this time, and was obliged to do the Single Tear cartoon.

Scott Stantis, 10/7/11:

There's a special genius-only sub-heaven, and Jobs, being an adopted bastard, probably won't get in.

Or perhaps the message here is that even dead people use smartphones?

Or that their end table is levitating?

Or that "there's an app for that" has now joined "where's the beef" and other phrases in completely losing all meaningful content?

Jeff Koterba, 10/7/11:

When in doubt, illustrate the kind of rambling, meaningless conversation that the cartoonist himself might have had that morning.

Update!

Dana Summers,  10/7/11:

Summers also goes with the crying Apple logo,  though his is both shinier and more off-model than Rose's.

Gary Varvel, 10/6/11:

And Varvel goes totally on-model, adding only a subtle Single Tear. Must have had an early tee-time that day.

Hot Enough for Ya?

Scott Stantis, 7/21/11:

Sometimes it gets hot in the summertime, and this is surprising.

Also see cartoons by Jimmy Margulies, Paul Fell, Robert Ariall, and Jeff Stahler.

Pat Bagley gets away with it by actually including an element of political humor, which was once considered a prerequisite for this job. Chris Britt attempts a non sequitur that should rightfully been done by a cartoonist in Kansas.

Going Over Like a....

Scott Stantis, 7/13/11:

So Elmer Fudd is flying a gigantic concrete balloon, upside down?

I suspect this is another in Stantis's odd little series expressing his disdain for Chicagoland's public art, as seen last month.

It's SMILING At Me!

Scott Stantis, 6/20/11:

I'm hoping that...thing...on the left is some new piece of public art in Chicagoland, and, if so, then I think I agree with Stantis.

If not, I'd like to have what he's having.

Where There's a Whip, There's a Way

Scott Stantis, 6/21/11:

For those of us not from Illinois -- and caught up in the various budget woes of our own states -- Illinois's Gov, the dude with the drum and friendly demeanor, got Motorola a $100-million-plus tax break, which they can keep as long as they don't get rid of more than 800 employees in the state.

You know, I, myself, would be happy to move to Illinois for only $50 million, and I'll promise not to get rid of any of my employees. How about it?

Death Has an Awesome Ringtone

Scott Stantis, 6/1/11:

After long, rigorous meta-analyses of many studies that individually found no strong link between cellular phones and brain cancer, researchers have now, finally, possibly, found what may be a slight increase in the incidence of those cancers in some very few users.

[FX: crickets]

Sigh.

OK. AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHH! CELLPHONES CAUSE CANCER!!!!!!!! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy now, cartoonists of America?

At Least He's Not Throwing Her Under a Bus

Scott Stantis, 5/27/11:

In case you weren't paying attention, the political party threatening to destroy Medicare as we know it is the Democrats.

Pay no attention to that nice Rep. Ryan and his darling plan; that's not at all what we're talking about here!

Proctologists: Your Go-To Guys for Doctor Jokes for Three Generations

Scott Stantis, 5/13/11:

Not having to die from minor infections and not having to choose between paying for food or medication are horrible, invasive things that the current crop of Republican presidential candidates are eager to save us all from.

Also, Romney is totally a hypocrite -- and so unlike the normal run of politicians in that, as well!

Save the Whales; Feed them bin Laden

Scott Stantis, 5/12/11:

There's a deep philosophical argument that could be had about Americans growing tolerance for torture -- even though we all pretty much know it doesn't work in real life the way it does on 24 -- and how that correlates with our off-and-on love affair with quick and easy, "bullet through the brain" solutions to geopolitical problems.

This cartoon, on the other hand, is happy just to snicker, "Even hippies wanted bin Laden dead," and call it a day.