Facepalm

Chuck Asay, 5/30/13:

Yes, as long as you think "gay" means "men who like to have sex with boys," you won't understand logic.

Also, black men should never be allowed near our frail white women, and we must halt the rise of those lazy immigrants from southern Europe!

I'll Keep the Money and You Can Have the Rope

A.F. Branco, 5/30/13:

Hispanics -- who are 17% of the US population now, and are projected to be 29% in 2050 -- will never vote for any Republicans.

Also, Republicans have no hopes of ever winning over Democrats -- who currently have a 47% - 42% lead in party affiliation in the US.

If Branco really believes those things, the elephant really only has a choice of suicide methods -- and this one at least would be quick.

Born In The Log Cabin He Built With His Own Hands

Terry Wise, 5/29/13:

Not that I want to stop any put-downs of smug know-it-alls -- because we all hate those guys, no matter what their political persuasion....

"And we all build our houses individually, like the Randian he-men we are! There certainly aren't major companies that put up large quantities of single-family homes, abetted by cheap land and lax land-usage standards!"

Only Reagan Could Take a Nap

A.F. Branco, 5/28/13:

No other President has ever gotten away with scandals -- all previous residents of the White House who got blowjobs from interns, or traded arms for hostages, or barfed on foreign diplomats, or ranted about killer squirrels, or let terrorists kill 3000 Americans were all driven out of office immediately.

Who's the Leader of the Club?

Steve Kelley, 5/25/13:

There have been a lot of cartoons over the past week slamming Obama for claiming that every single one of the recent scandals had nothing to do with him, since he's too important and mighty to bother with trivialities. (Many of those have been decent cartoons, and goodness knows there's plenty to dig into on that front.)

Kelley goes a bit farther this time, and finally figures out what to do with those big ears -- cartoonists have been using them to caricature Obama for five years now, but they haven't meant anything until now. Kelley, though, gives us a great visual shorthand over four panels.

Apologies to anyone reading this far and expecting an explosion of sarcasm; this is actually a good, smart cartoon about real issues, with drawing that complements the writing.

Explain This Cartoon and Win a No-Prize!

Ken Catalino, 5/24/13:

Um, what?

I thought the knife-wielding guy was supposed to be Obama -- mostly because Catalino is obsessed with attacking Obama -- but that makes no sense given the caption.

Actually, it's difficult to find a single thing in this cartoon that makes sense -- for example, is the guy chasing a Tank Called Democracy? With a knife? Why? And who is he, anyway?

We Don't Need No Water

Ted Rall, 5/24/13:

Exactly! Because we know that when we create Solomonic solutions like that, it's always the rich, powerful, connected corporations that will bear the brunt of the costs!

May Tend to Incriminate Me

Randy Bish, 5/23/13:

"...because it's not as if you have a whole pile of legal documents that I signed and sent to you every single year to use as evidence, right? The IRS has to get taxpayers to admit they committed fraud to get the money back, so I'm safe as long as I keep quiet!"

Also, Lois Lerner did have a lawyer -- he was the one who advised her to take the Fifth.

And there's nothing wrong with refusing to talk to the IRS -- unless, of course, you want to convince them to your side of the story....

It's Not Windy; She's Twerking

Ted Rall, 5/23/13:

No, you didn't imagine it: Rall just passed off a four-panel "yo momma" joke as an editorial cartoon.

Better hope you stay vegan-skinny your whole life, Rall, or karma will be a bitch.

Anthropomorphization Gone Wild

John R. Rose, 5/22/13:

Yes, the tornado is sad at the devastation it caused. But it just can't help itself!

Arrangement in Blue and Blue

Ross Gosse, 5/232/13:

Never forget how to draw.

Oops, too late.

Fire Is Worse than Water, Right?

A.F. Branco, 5/22/13:

Obama is clearly much worse, scandal-wise, than Nixon was.

Why, Nixon just had one measly little case of subverting the course of a Presidential election by a few plumbers!

Obama's done so many horrible things that Branco can't even explain what any of them are! And that's not even mentioning his worst sin: being President while black.

Others Say God's a Drunkard for Pain

Paul Fell, 5/21/13:

Despite what your orthodox Christian sects might tell you, we actually live in a Manichean universe, where the forces of evil have as much power as those of good, and God is neither omniscient nor omnipotent.

Fell's clergyman might be having words with him this Sunday....

Let's Have Us an Old-Fashioned Witch Hunt!

Bill Day, 5/16/13:

When the news is full of lurid stories about the scandals your guy and his hired guns caused, the only thing to do is to attack the messenger.

(I've written basically the same thing a dozen times here at least: "those bad, bad media folks!" cartoons indicate that the cartoonist's side has been taking a shellacking, and he can't think of anything of substance to contradict it.)

I Don't Got To Show You Any Stinking Badges!

Steve Benson, 5/19/13:

Every single organization with "Tea Party" in its name -- with no exceptions -- is an evil astroturf organization directly controlled by the fiendish Koch brothers, aimed to destroy democracy forever and install Jeb Bush as Dictator-for-Life.

Therefore, absolutely any means -- constitutional, fair, honest, or not -- used to battle those organizations is completely acceptable.

Everybody Has To Believe In Something

Clay Bennett, 5/18/13:

Sure, Bennett's guy is looking awfully buffoonish and incompetent this week, with three major scandals bubbling...but those other guys are stupid doody-heads whose moms still dress them!

So there!

That's The Way to Do It!

Stephen Rustad, 5/17/13:

Every employee of every organization -- no matter how big or far-flung -- always does exactly what the highest boss of that organization wants at that precise moment, and never anything else.

And Rustad clearly works at home and has never seen an office in his life.

(Also, check out the trainwreck sentence that begins "I, Eric, the holder of the Obama's virtue". The Obama's? Virtue? He's aiming for a "Holder" pun and missing the entire side of the barn along the way.)

The Art of Saying "Nice Doggie"

A.F. Branco, 5/17/13:

The current round of Obama scandals are not the product of overzealous underlings running riot, as the administration would have you believe. They're not even caused by sinister political maneuvering by Obama and his high-ranking cronies, designed to crush their partisan enemies, as Fox news commentators are insisting.

No, it's purely what "big government" will always do, and can't be stopped until that government is utterly dismantled.

Anarchy now!

Zero Tolerance

Gary Varvel, 5/8/13:

Minors should not be allowed to do anything until some magical age when they can suddenly do everything, just to make things simpler for editorial cartoonists who don't understand subtleties.

Also, you can stop teenagers from having sex by telling them not to. Ask your parents how well that works.

We're Gonna Need a Bigger Surfboard

Nate Beeler, 5/7/13:

Yes, that's right -- if retailers are forced to collect taxes on Internet purchasers (buyers are already required to pay those taxes; we're just all lawbreakers), the entire system of online commerce will crumble to pieces, leaving the Internet as the intellectual playground it was in 1995.

And that would be horrible!

Radical Mercantilism Run Amok!

Bob Gorrell, 5/3/13:

It gets worse! That same girl can walk into stores around this great country of ours and buy many things without parental approval!

In many states, she could even buy My First Gun!

The solution is clear: all Americans under the age of 18 must have parental permission to do every single thing.

The Inalienable Right of All Americans To Cheat the Government

Chip Bok, 5/2/13:

Governments run magically, with no need from tax money from their citizens. Therefore, there's nothing wrong with breaking the law and dodging taxes.

Basil Wolverton Swipe Theatre Presents

Ken Catalino, 5/2/13:

We shouldn't prosecute terrorists who bomb our cities, since that just wastes resources to try and then jail them. Instead, we should just deport them as soon as they explode their bombs.

Or is Catalino implying that there's some larger group, that he considers all "terrorists," that he wants deported?

If You Don't Kick 'em Out Now, They'll Think They're Equal!

Chuck Asay, 5/2/13:

Straight boys have no sexuality, of course -- only those icky gay boys do. So kicking out gay scouts once they're honest and forthright enough to admit it -- as scouts are trained to be -- will keep all thoughts of sex out of the minds of Boy Scouts forevermore.

Push Polling

Mike Lester, 5/2/13:

The rest of the survey, revealed!

Q2: Do you think criminals who commit murder will stop if you ask them nicely?

Q3: Do you think criminals who steal cars will be deterred by a stern talking-to?

Q4: Do you think criminals who build risky financial derivatives and crash the economy to make billions for themselves will submit to self-regulation if Ben Bernanke looks at them with a scowl?

Q5: Do you think it makes sense to have any criminal laws whatsoever, since criminals are always, by definition, breaking them?

You Can Also Buy Drugs That Kill Bacteria and Viruses Inside of You

Tim Hartman, 5/2/13:

If you're not too young to get pregnant, you're not too young to give birth -- and, besides, if we don't force sluts to have their shame babies, how can we keep control of our womenfolk?

A Feast for Crows, Indeed!

Chuck Asay, 5/1/13:

Collecting taxes from customers -- not paying them directly, just doing what the law requires and passing them along to the authorities that provide roads, police, fire-fighting, and other useful goods -- is a horrible, evil imposition on that massive sector of the US economy, the "Mom and Pop Internet business."

I also have a bridge available at a very attractive price.

(And does Asay seriously think that there's a federal sales tax?)

Why Can't Gay People Stay in the Closet Where They Belong?

Scott Stantis, 5/1/13:

Tim Tebow received absolutely no attention -- and certainly no book or endorsement deals -- due to his very public identity as a Christian.

Nope, none. He's exactly as famous as a mid-rank quarterback who can't stay on a team should be.

The World Is a Grumpy Little Lady

Paul Fell, 4/30/13:

We don't want to invade Syria, goodness knows! But the whole rest of the world is insisting that we march right in and clean things up, the way we did in Iraq and Afghanistan!

So, gee golly, I guess we'll just have to do it!